


We Are Not Broken

by DeiStarr



Series: AUs and Side-Stories for My Lives As Fate's Chew Toy [1]
Category: Naruto, The Sentinel (TV)
Genre: ANBU - Freeform, ANBU Headcanons, Acephobia, Alternate Universe - Sentinels & Guides, Alternate Universe - Sentinels and Guides Are Known, Aromantic, Artificial Insemination, Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, BAMF Uchiha Mikoto, BAMF Women, Background Character Death, Best Friends, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Friends, Companion Piece, Disabled Character, Except that it happens many many lives later, F/M, Family Dynamics, Flashbacks, Gay Male Character, Gen, Genderqueer Character, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Torture, It features Chewie's first foray into super-villainy for the greater good, It's like a rewrite of both the first and third fic in this series combined, M/M, Male Slash, Military Backstory, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Parenthood, Physical Disability, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Life Partners, Platonic Soulmates, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Postpartum Depression, Prequel, Queer Themes, Queerplatonic Relationships, Relationship Negotiation, Rough Trade, Rough Trade's Little Black Dress Challenge, Shinobi, Side Story, So the world-building was actually necessary, There is actually an entire long-fic set in this AU, Third Shinobi War, Trauma, later when Chewie has been reincarnated so many times she has no more fucks to give, prosthetic leg, world-building
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:34:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26751418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeiStarr/pseuds/DeiStarr
Summary: Everyone knows that love between a Sentinel and Guide is all-consuming and all-encompassing; passionate, romantic, and sexual. The hunger and need between them eclipses anything they could possibly ever feel for anyone else, and overcomes all barriers between them.Everyone knows there is no room in a Sentinel-Guide bond for anyone else, and neither could ever want anyone outside of it.Everyone is wrong.Guide Nara Hari and Sentinel Nara Ensui struggle in the wake of losing Ensui's lover; the third member of the family created by Hari and Ensui's rare platonic bond. They attempt to raise their daughter without her second father, and learn to support one another without him to balance them out. They struggle to be accepted and even at times to accept themselves; their sexualities and non-traditional family dynamics, public disapproval and criticism of their bond and their non-traditional relationship, and their steadfast refusal to conform.Their family is not broken, even though a part of it is gone; and neither are they, even if part of their hearts is missing. Now they just need to learn to believe it.A story about the complex nature of love and family, sexuality and self.
Relationships: Nara Ensui/Original Character(s), Nara Shikaku/Nara Yoshino, Uchiha Fugaku/Uchiha Mikoto
Series: AUs and Side-Stories for My Lives As Fate's Chew Toy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1948156
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13
Collections: My Lives As Fate's Chew Toy





	1. Late Night Musings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Late at night after Ensui's return front the front lines, Hari reflects on her family and their losses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a (relatively) short fic I was working on for the Rough Trade challenge back in April, before my miscarriage basically destroyed my ability to write for a while. 
> 
> It's a side story for a Sentinel/Guide AU of "The Spaces Between" involving the backstory of characters that will be introduced later in the story. 
> 
> I'm trying to get back into the swing of writing again after my long hiatus, so I started with a new fandom and am seguing into posting my side-stories before going back to the main stories of the series itself.

* * *

Hari woke at the sound of a baby's cry. She closed her eyes and drew in a weary breath, before forcing herself to sit up and reach for her prosthesis.

Shikari was hungry, and that wouldn't change simply because her kaa-san was exhausted.

At four months old she was still too young to start sleeping through the night; and with Ensui deployed for the last nine months of the Third Shinobi World War, Hari was quite used to caring for their daughter alone.

The thought of her Sentinel reminded Hari of his late-night return, and she moved quickly.

While she had managed to convince him to activate the white-noise seals in his room before going to bed, she still didn't want to risk waking him when he'd only just gotten back. It was the first time since his deployment last year that he'd been able to spend the night in a completely safe place, and she knew from experience how difficult relaxing and allowing yourself to trust in the familiar safety of home could be after spending so long being hyper-vigilant.

No doubt it would be even _more_ difficult with the enhanced senses of an online Sentinel. Hari had no intention of depending on the seals to prevent Shikari from waking him in that state, and he _needed_ to sleep. Desperately.

_It didn't help that he had a broken, useless Guide who couldn't even be there to help or support him in any way. Especially not with– no, don’t think about it!_

She cut the direction of her thoughts off immediately; knowing that her control over her shields tended to be weakest at night. Neither of her two remaining family members deserved to deal with the backlash of her negative emotions; especially not when she'd already lost control when Ensui first got back.

She firmly ignored the throb of guilt she felt for making him break down and cry with her earlier.

Her fingers fumbled as they worked to attach her prosthetic leg, and she forced herself to stop and clear her mind. Normally she remembered to take a moment to center herself before rising; but it appeared that this was one of those nights where she just couldn't seem to do _anything_ right.

She _knew_ that carelessness led to mistakes, and mistakes had consequences. It was a lesson all shinobi learned young; and a lesson she had more recently learned was still applicable to her retired life, at a terrible cost.

_That cost had been a much greater price than she was willing to pay._

It was a lesson no one would have expected her to forget after losing her lower left leg; but that had happened due to a calculated risk – one in which the benefits to her village had outweighed any personal cost to herself. Most people assumed it had happened because of carelessness, due to the classified nature of the Op.

Her superiors knew that she had deliberately chosen to extend the parameters of her mission when an unexpected yet priceless opportunity presented itself. She had done so knowing full well it would likely expose her and probably cost her life; but she had accepted that the results for her village were worth it. Losing a mere leg for the opportunity to level the playing field in a war where Konoha was without allies and surrounded by enemies on all sides was a worthwhile sacrifice, even if most of the village never knew just how much she'd done for them.

It was a normal part of the missions she'd been assigned that she typically appeared to be unremarkable. The careless and light-hearted persona of a mildly-talented kunoichi she wore in the village was an exaggeration of her true personality; meant to hide the fact that despite her middling fighting skills, she excelled in stealth and infiltration – spying, sabotage, and covert information gathering were her true bread and butter.

She had been a Captain in ANBU; the Ansatsu Senjutsu Tokushu Butai – or “Special Assassination and Tactical Squads", Konoha's Black Ops. Membership was highly classified, and when on duty they wore identical dark clothing and armour, separated only by the different animal masks they wore to cover their faces. They answered only to the names of the masks they wore; in ANBU they had no identity other than as instruments of the Hokage’s will. 

* * *

_At only fifteen she became Taichou to her own squad; partly by virtue of surviving more than a year working as both a saboteur and a spy, as needed._

_Since neither specialisation had a high life expectancy during wartime, operatives were allowed to retire back into the regular shinobi corps at any time after six months in sabotage and after a year as a spy. She was confident enough to accept the position, while also being pragmatic enough to know that earning a promotion even partially based on the seniority of survival in a role after only a single year presented a rather dismissal picture of her odds of survival._

_The other reason for her promotion was due to her ability to spot opportunities outside the original mission parameters; to plan and achieve these additional objectives on the fly, without compromising her primary mission._

_Having lasted almost ten months in her new rank before her career-ending injury, she was proud of the fact that she had never failed a single mission, whether officially assigned or self-imposed, and never lost a single member of her squad. Even the near-disaster of her last mission could only be considered a success._

_She got her team and the information on supply lines and troop movements they had gone to retrieve out safely; and while she did not go entirely unnoticed, she ensured that Kumo assumed her primary mission was the one they had nearly caught her completing – thus preventing their information from becoming useless._

_She had taken the opportunity presented by unexpectedly learning the locations of Kumo’s largest supply farms for their shinobi forces to poison both the irrigation systems and water supply for the entire range of fields and livestock – being discovered too late to prevent a massive loss of enemy resources for the war._

_While she had hoped that the prospect of food shortages and rationing would reduce Kumo's willingness to engage in open warfare, it came out that the tentative agreement between the desert nation of Suna and the Kumo-Iwa Alliance had been contingent on their receiving those supplies for their own people. Therefore her improvised mission had not only weakened their enemies; it also allowed Konoha to broker their own deal with Suna involving food and water supplies in exchange for an alliance of their own, giving them relief on one front and dividing Kumo and Iowa’s forces._

_Being discovered just as she was finishing her self-appointed secondary objective had been the result of incredibly bad luck._

_She had managed to avoid capture; but an explosive tag went off too close to her left foot, and it had taken every last scrap of training and experience for her to push aside the pain. To force herself to rise, and to keep moving, despite the agony screaming from the mangled ruin of her foot. Desperately compartmentalizing; shutting away the fear and worry and anger and unrelenting pain. Blocking it all out, and refusing to acknowledge anything but determined calculation and logic._

_She headed steadily southwest; leading any pursuers away from the rest of her team, hoping they had not disregarded her orders to return to Konoha immediately. She had only had time to send a brief message; it would have to be enough. All she could do was trust in Dragonfly, her second-in-command, to lead them safely home._

_Despite utilizing every last one of her skills in stealth and evasion once she was confident that her team would have made it far enough for her to attempt to lose her pursuers, she was unable to shake the shinobi following her trail._

_It was utterly ridiculous, she’d thought at the time. As ANBU Mouse, Hari was the best. It wasn't an idle boast or baseless confidence. She had only survived as long as she had in the most dangerous and precarious of shinobi roles by virtue of being better at what she did than anyone else could counter._

_By all rights, there should not have_ been _a trail to follow._

_Yet somehow they managed to keep tracking her, in spite of all of her attempts to lose them. There was only so long she could keep from being caught; especially with her injury._

_Capture was not an option. While she was trained to withstand the kind of torture she would be subjected to if caught, she couldn't risk being identified and traced back to Konoha. If she could not escape her tails before her strength gave out, she would have no choice but to activate her Suicide Seal._

_The ANBU Suicide Seal inked into the tattoo of each initiate provided them with an foolproof and efficient method of both suicide and body disposal should it be activated. It would instantly and completely immolate the body of the ANBU who activated it, without leaving a single trace behind. She was reluctant to utilise it before she absolutely had to, however – Dragonfly was a friend, and if Mouse never made it back she knew the other kunoichi would blame herself for leaving her behind._

_They had all lost too many people already. She would not put that burden on her friend's shoulders; not if she could help it._

_So she ran._

_It wasn't until she managed to fall into a fully-functional dissociated state, completely shutting off her emotions, that she began to make progress in losing the shinobi who were after her._

_It wouldn't be until she had a chance to sit and catch her breath, taking stock of her state that she would discover the reason._

_Against all odds and expectations, she had come online._

_It took everything she had to keep the rudimentary shields she had accidentally and precariously erected around her emotions from falling in the onslaught of grief, anger, and fear. She was a newly awakened Guide; she'd been broadcasting her location through her emotions, muted as they were, the entire time she ran._  
_This was something she had never,_ ever _wanted to happen._

_It shouldn't have been possible - she'd tested as a low-potential Guide not because her potential was weak, but because she was so vehemently, psychologically opposed to the idea of coming online that her instructors theorized she would drive herself dormant before allowing herself to do so._

_From a young age, Hari had known that she was different from other girls._

_The ideas of romance, kissing, and crushes disturbed her; she never once thought a boy or even another girl was cute. The older she got, and the more she learned, the more revolted she became by the very idea of romance or sex. The thought of either triggered a deep, visceral reaction in her; she swore she would never engage in such things._

_Other girls might swoon over the idea of Sentinels and Guides; sighing over the great love stories their partnerships consisted of – Hari abhorred the suggestion. She could not think of a single thing more violating or traumatizing than to be forced to engage in that sort of physical and emotional intimacy with someone else._

_As a ninja-in-training, she could honestly say that she would kill anyone who tried._  
_Even supporting her best friend Ensui in his pining after Genri – whom he swore was his One True Love from the ripe old age of nine – made her uncomfortable at times._

_It was impossible for her to relate to his feelings, and he was the only person she was too close to for her to refuse to listen when he began speaking about such things. She refused to make him feel bad about himself for the fact that he had no interest in girls, and that he'd somehow managed to fall in love with one of the few shinobi children without a hint of Sentinel or Guide potential._

_She simply quietly promised herself that she would never, ever let herself go online. Her conviction was strong enough to skew her test results, and her opinions on the subject had never faltered._

_But she was somehow, incomprehensibly yet unmistakably online._

_The thought of her suicide seal flitted through her mind, and for a moment, she was_ almost _tempted._

 _Almost; because she was a proud kunoichi of Konoha, and she would not allow a moment of selfish fear to drive her betray everything she stood for in an act of cowardice. It was one thing to escape a fate worse than death – the potential betrayal of one's village, even under torture, was the ultimate shinobi taboo – but it was another to take her life simply because she was_ afraid _._

 _She was a_ shinobi _– her life_ was not hers to take _. Everything she had, everything she was; all belonged to her village and her Kage._

_The purpose of a shinobi – “one who endures" – after all, was sacrifice._

_To be devoted to their village first and foremost; no matter what was demanded of them in its service. To never flinch from their duty, no matter how terrible. To suffer or die, to kill or torture; there was nothing they would not do if ordered._  
_Civilians thought them either monsters or heroes. They wielded seemingly-supernatural powers, and seemed to have no morals but those they were told to hold – civilians simply did not understand that absolute loyalty was the price they paid for freedom._

_To ensure the continuation of their Hidden Village – a place where they could raise their children in safety, where their homes could be secured, and they could walk the streets surrounded by friends and allies without fear. They had to trust that their superiors gave them their orders for a reason; that everything they did served the higher purpose of protecting their home._

_The people they fought, killed, and died for were all citizens of Fire Country, and therefore under their protection. The nobles they guarded, the borders they patrolled, the missions they completed; in the end, it was all to preserve the closest thing any of them would ever know to peace._

_Hari was a shinobi; whatever happened, she would endure._

_And endure she did._

_Throughout the weeks that followed, she made her way alone and injured through enemy territory. Desperately fighting to maintain control over her empathic abilities, fighting off fever and infection while avoiding notice; she finally found her way into a Konoha camp. The second she recognized she was safe, she collapsed._

_It took many hours for the medics to stabilise her, and when she woke they informed her that they had needed to amputate her entire lower left leg due to gangrene. But she was alive, and soon enough, she was home._

_Stepping through the gates for the first time in months, she was overwhelmed with happiness and relief. When Dragonfly came and tracked her down, staring into her eyes as if she were afraid Hari would disappear if she looked away, she congratulated her squad’s new captain and praised her for getting everyone else home safe and undetected._

_And when Dragonfly broke down and thanked the Kami she had lived, she knew that everything else had been worth it._

* * *

Hari was used to the classified nature of her position and assignments meaning she had to appear publically innocuous enough to be completely overlooked should an enemy spy try to gather information. She was used to being dismissed or regarded as mediocre by her fellow shinobi. She knew her skills, and her worth; so did her superiors.

As a result, having her injury publically being blamed on carelessness was not something that upset her too badly. It fit with the image she projected, and it avoided identifying her as a high-profile retiree.

She was not _actually_ prone to careless behaviour; despite what her public persona implied.

However, less than a year and a half after her retirement, she _did_ get careless. Despite _knowing_ better, she let her guard down when she was tired and didn't pay enough attention. And someone else – someone _precious_ – paid the price.

It was just another reason for her to regard her current lapse as unforgivable. For all that accidents for a retired ninja wearing a prosthesis were generally inconsequential compared to a civilian in the same situation, the mere possibility left her feeling incredibly stupid and thoughtless.

Having wasted enough time dwelling on the past while she ensured her prosthetic was properly attached and her head sufficiently cleared of cobwebs, she made her way into the nursery next door.

She was there and lifting her daughter from her crib to nurse in a few brief moments. After all, it was not nearly as difficult for her to avoid accidents as it would be for a civilian with a similar disability. Retired veteran she may be; but she was still seventeen – the premature aging shinobi were subject to due to the abuse they put their bodies through would not begin to affect her for many years yet. Losing part of her leg did not make her any less well-trained, or her body any less of a deadly weapon.

While seventeen might have been barely adult by civilian standards, shinobi aged differently.

They were considered adults the moment the graduated the Shinobi Academy and received their headbands, identifying their loyalty to their village. They swore their oaths of service at twelve in peacetime, and as young as they could prove themselves ready during war.

Even the most understanding civilians generally regarded shinobi as being a little bit off – they developed a variety of quirks and eccentricities as coping mechanisms for the blood on their hands from or even before the onset of puberty. As a result, more often than not, they grew up _odd_.

Seventeen might have been quite young to a civilian, but for a shinobi it was not a surprising age for a veteran.

She settled in to nurse Shikari, and relaxed with a sigh. Leaning back and closing her eyes, she couldn't resist the temptation to check on Ensui through their bond.   
Lightly – carefully – gently she reached for it with a deft empathic touch. She couldn't risk disturbing him just because she was feeling insecure. It was a comfort to feel him; to know that he was safe and sleeping.

Yet it wasn't quite enough – she had been able to sense him over their bond during his absence, for it had been stretched thin and frayed by their separation. She needed to feel him nearby; to know that he was back, safe and home.

She cautiously stretched out her empathic field, lightly skimming over his empathic signature in the next room. It was a comfort to sense his presence so close by; despite the way his mind was shadowed with grief and heartache, even in his dreams.

Without meaning to she automatically reached out to feel Genri beside him – and the horrible, empty space in their bed hit her like a kick to the chest. Shakily, she withdrew her empathy as quickly as she dared. She firmed up her shields, hiding away the sudden swell of grief inside her.

It was so hard to remember that this was _real_.

While she had needed to pretend Genri’s death hadn't happened in order to make it on her own with a new baby, Ensui's return had robbed her of the ability to keep lying to herself.

Telling herself for months now that _Genri was **fine**_ ; he was with their Sentinel, keeping him safe on the front lines while Hari could not.

It helped her get through the days while her baby had no one else to depend on.

Her reaction to Ensui's solitary return, however, made her suspect she had not done either of them any favours.

She had taken one look at his exhausted miserable figure standing in the entrance of their house, and the reality that he was back was just as suddenly eclipsed by the reality that he was alone.

That Genri wasn't with him; would _never_ be with him again.

That Shikari would grow up without ever even _meeting_ her second father.

She broke down, and her shields fell as she collapsed to the floor. All of her denial and refusal to acknowledge the truth came crashing down on her at once, and she shattered in the face of it.

Genri was _gone_ , and _it hurt_.

_It hurt so badly._

She and Ensui had wept together, their mutual grief flowing between them through their bond. She couldn't even tell how much of it was due to her unrestrained empathy pouring out her own feelings all over the place, and how much was due to her Sentinel not having had any time or space to mourn his lover properly.

She couldn't afford to put the weight of her grief on his shoulders while he was still struggling with his own loss.

So she locked down her shields and refused to let her family be affected by her chaotic and fragile emotional state. She focused on the tiny figure in her arms, suckling greedily at her breast. Blanking her thoughts of everything but Shikari.

Running a fingertip over edge of her tiny, perfect little face, Hari found herself remembering how Shikari’s name came about. It was a memory of Genri; but a good one – so she let it come, for the moment while it didn't hurt. 

* * *

_“You know, Ensui, we could always poke fun at your aniki and give the baby a “Shika-" name,” Hari teased. She shifted her position on the bed they had just set up in her room, ignoring Ensui's “I'm judging you right now" face with ease of long practice. She was pregnant; if she wanted to sit down and get comfortable, she was allowed!_

_His eyebrow twitched, and he shot her a look of annoyance. She just snickered; the bond telling her that his emotions were running more towards amused tolerance than actual irritation._

_“You do realise that “Shika-" names are traditionally only given to the Nara Clan Head and Heir?” he drawled._

_“Really?” Hari affected a wide-eyed gasp. “Why didn't anyone ever_ tell _me?”_

_Ensui rolled his eyes at her while Genri chuckled, throwing himself across her legs, before burying his face in her stomach and letting out a ridiculous-sounding coo. At 3 and a half months along, she wasn't really showing much yet, but Genri treated the presence of her miniscule baby bump as if it were the most incredible thing that had ever existed. He showered it with praise and affection at every chance he got._

_“Hello Nara-Chibi! It's Tou-chan!” He shot a sly glance across the room at his lover before turning back to her belly. “The fun one!”_

_Hari giggled, and couldn't resist adding her own input. “Hai; your Genri-tou-chan is much more fun than boring old Ensui-tou-san!”_

_She and Genri exchanged grins and began laughing at the glare Ensui gave them, well aware that it had no heat. He rolled his eyes at their sheer lack of repentance._

_“Why on earth did I ever think giving the two of you a chance to gang up on me was a good idea?” he lamented, staring off into the distance tragically. “I should never have introduced you two!”_

_“Ara! Now, Ensui-koi; you can't say that! Hari’s the best thing that ever happened to us!” Genri slung an arm over her shoulders, and she snuggled into his embrace with a happy noise. He gave the best cuddles._

_“In, you should be nicer to me, Ensui-baka,” she teased. “If it wasn't for me, would you have ever made a move on Gen-kun in the first place?”_

_“…Yes.”_

_The two on the bed let out simultaneous snorts._

_“I would've!” Ensui squawked. “I had a plan!”_

_Hari gave him a pitying look. “…Ensui, you spent three years making plans; only to do and say nothing despite doodling “Nara Genri" on every piece of scrap paper you got your hands on when you were home.”_

_Ensui flushed, but Genri was giving him his “You were so adorable when we were kids" look, and he couldn't stop the soft smile from stealing over his face in response._

_Hari just smiled at the two of them herself, feeling impossibly fond. She hadn't expected this kind of comradery and warmth when Ensui had first suggested she become his Guide; this feeling of acceptance and home and family that she had with them. She thought that being bonded to someone who was physically and emotionally intimate with someone else would be awkward and uncomfortable, but it wasn't._

_That's not to say there were no awkward moments; they were a pair of 16 year old boys who were madly in love and frequently and randomly horny – and oh,_ Kami _, she so_ did not need to know that _about Genri’s flexibility – a little_ warning _next time, please!?!_

_But other than those moments when she had to slam her side of the bond closed because Ensui had forgotten, she actually enjoyed it._

_While the thought of sex would always disgust her, and romance generally made her skin crawl, she enjoyed the window she got into the more innocent moments of closeness and affection between the two of them. Their feelings for one another were incomprehensible to her, yet also charming. What simply made her uncomfortable observing from the outside seemed rather sweet when she could actually feel their love for each other._

_There was something so pure about the way they felt about one another; the sheer joy they experienced simply by being together – sharing time, sharing space, simply sharing life – it made her happy, too. Happy to be there with them, to be included in the life they were building together, and to witness the more private and personal sides of them that they otherwise only showed to each other._

_It was beautiful and humbling to be part of it, and it was something she never thought she could have without a bunch of unwanted and unwelcome expectations and demands being made of her._

_She felt no jealousy towards either of them – she had no desire for romantic affection, and her gifts ensured that she knew neither of them were harbouring any such unwanted sentiments towards her. However she cared very deeply for them both, and could feel just how much she meant to them in turn. Rather than feeling like an outsider, or an intruder in their relationship, she felt like she belonged._

_Genri squeezed her shoulder affectionately, and she marvelled at her unforeseen comfort with his tactile tendencies. Her asexuality and aromanticism had left her uncomfortable with the connotations of any form physical affection for some time. But between her gifts and her bond with Ensui, she could feel that there was absolutely no attraction or desire for him behind either of their actions._

_It was a little odd to adjust to, having them offer her physical affection with no deeper meaning and no strings attached. Genri especially was determined to give her all of the platonic affection she would allow him to – pointing out that love did not necessarily equate to either sex or romance, and that he always wanted her to know that she was loved._

_She was a little surprised at how much she craved it once she had a chance to adjust; but wouldn't trade it for the world. She refocused on the conversation, silently cursing her pregnancy hormones for her new habit of blanking out._

_“…Anyway,” Ensui was saying. “I know we have plenty of time left, but we really do need to start thinking of names.”_

_Hari’s lips twitched._

_“I still say we choose something that starts with “Shika-", to poke fun at Shikaku for the fact that his little brother is having a kid first,” she pointed out, knowing that the mention of his genius older sibling would automatically make him tempted, even if actually going through with it would be a_ terrible _idea._

 _It would make the Clan Elders scandalized and they would fuss_ so much _…Hari really wanted to do it. Opportunities to utterly horrify the Clan Elders without getting disowned for her antics were far too precious to waste._

_Genri unexpectedly backed her up._

_“If it’s a girl, we can name her “Shikari”, with the “ri" character from “Hari", he said._  
_Hari blinked, a bit startled and slightly pleased at the thought._

_Then Genri ruined the moment by adding, “Or if it’s a boy, we can just call him Harimaru.”_

_She and Ensui both shot him disbelieving looks at the thought of saddling a baby boy with an epithet like ”little needle". Even Hari understood that it would be a rather cruel implication for parents to make about their son._

_“What?” he protested. “I think It’s cute!”_

_Their eyes met and they shared a moment of silent exasperation over Genri’s complete inability to name anything, ever. He'd had his naming privileges permanently revoked since they were twelve._

_Ensui wisely changed the subject, and they began to discuss how they would handle their upcoming rotation at the front._

* * *

Hari burped the baby over her shoulder, swallowing hard against the bittersweet ache of one of her last memories of Genri before he and Ensui had been sent back out to the front lines.

In the end, she had called their daughter “Shikari", as it was the only girl's name Genri suggested before he’d died. The only change she made was by spelling it with the “ri” character from “Genri", rather than the character in her own name.

It was the only connection she could give her to the father she would never know.

Hari pushed down the ache in her heart as she changed Shikari before settling her back into her crib. She was grateful that the little one fell back asleep quickly; she couldn't seem to keep her thoughts from focusing on the absent member of her family tonight.

Making her way back into her room, she removed her prosthetic and laid back down in bed.

Clutching her mental shields as tightly around herself as she could, she cried herself to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cast pictures:


	2. A Much Needed Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hari talks with her Spirit Partner on the Spirit Plane.

The sweet sound of a baby’s laughter startled Hari awake again.

Briefly, she felt confused; disoriented and wondering why Shikari wasn't crying for attention as she usually did when she woke before her kaa-san. She had a moment of bleary panic as she noticed the sound was coming from the wrong direction. Shaking off her sleepiness, she struggled to get up.

Then she heard the soft rumble of a male voice, speaking quietly and lovingly; setting off another round of baby giggles.

Hari slumped back down in relief. Her eyes shut as she exhaled, feeling foolish.

She laid there for a few minutes, listening to Ensui bond with their daughter. He sounded utterly besotted, and Shikari seemed to be enjoyed his attention. Their bond hummed with his wonder and awe at the tiny person he had helped to create. A faint smile crossed her lips. The last traces of an unfounded concern drained away, leaving her slightly ashamed.

While she had refused to entertain the idea that Ensui would harbour any kind of blame towards Shikari for what happened to Genri, _knowing_ that her thoughts were irrational and uncharitable didn't erase the emotion from her psyche. No matter how ridiculous such a prospect may have been, once it occurred to her she had been unable to wholly banish the uneasiness.

She knew that Ensui was not that kind of petty, spiteful person. The suggestion that he might be was as offensive as it was unbelievable. Yet the tiny, niggling doubt had latched on to her and refused to be dismissed out of hand.

Having proof of Ensui's love for Shikari should have been unnecessary, but it still made her feel relieved. Her sense of guilt for thinking so poorly of her Sentinel was only increased by the confirmation of how undeserved the suspicion had been.

Unfortunately, intellectual understanding wasn't always enough to eliminate irrational emotional fears. Hari had been far more skilled at doing so prior to the introduction of pregnancy hormones; and the fact that her mental faculties were still floundering in the hormonal soup inside her skull was beyond irritating.

She snorted. Her lips twitched as she recalled Ensui and Genri attempting to deal with her rapid descent into madness; beginning shortly after they had confirmed the IVF procedure to placate the Clan Elders by producing an heir had been successful.

Her poor boys had been so baffled and frightened by her inconsistent and oftentimes bizarre reactions and thought patterns.

* * *

 _Pregnancy, Hari decided early on, was akin to_ temporary insanity _. It made her completely illogical and ridiculous – she_ knew _she was being completely illogical and ridiculous – but that didn't mean she could_ stop _._

 _She found herself acting, thinking, and talking like a crazy person – she was fully and painfully cognizant of that fact – yet her feelings would be so out of control that the remaining vestiges of her logical mind had retreated. It was like the entire part of her brain that was capable of reason was cowering in the back of her head, watching on in horror as the rest of her devolved into a mad, uncontrollable creature who made_ no sense whatsoever _._

_It was anathema for someone whose life often depended on her self-awareness; whose very survival had frequently relied on her ability to remain logical, calculating, and controlled even under pressure._

_At the moment she was almost hysterical over the fact that they had no pickled ginger in the house, and Genri had finished it off without picking up more._

_He_ knew _how much she loved ginger; right now she_ needed _it but she couldn't have it because he had been so thoughtless! Didn’t he understand that their baby needed her to have pickled ginger_ right now? _Did he care about their baby_ at all? _He obviously didn't care about her! He was so heartless! Selfish! How could he_ do this _to them?_

_Her spooked Sentinel had abandoned his lover to his fate the moment she started shouting about the absence of pickled ginger._

_Poor Genri was wide-eyed and stammering about how he was planning on going shopping tomorrow; that he hadn't realised she was planning on using the last of the pickled ginger in her bedtime snack._

_She didn't bother mentioning that she'd had no such plans; she hadn't realised she would need pickled ginger earlier, but now that she did it was gone!_ Unforgivable!

_There was a vague awareness in the back of her mind that she was completely overreacting and being extremely unreasonable; but it was currently being drowned out by her devastation at Genri’s betrayal. Her common sense was screaming for mercy in the back of her mind as she wailed; utterly overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of her emotional response._

_Neko was cowering in the corner with his ears drawn flat against his skull, cringing away from her volume._

_Then, of course Ensui returned from the corner store with a jar of pickled ginger._

_She burst into relieved tears; distinguishable from her earlier crying by the fact that she went from hurling deprecations at Genri to throwing her arms around Ensui and sobbing out her gratitude._

Of course _her brilliant, dependable Sentinel hadn't abandoned her! How could she have_ ever _thought he would? He_ cared _about her and their baby!_

_The unacknowledged voice in the back of her mind noted that her Sentinel looked like he dearly wished he was elsewhere as she blubbered all over him. The pained expression on his face was only registered by her exasperated subconscious._

_She snatched the jar away, and he retreated to the corner where their spirit animals were cowering as soon as she released him. Spooning ginger out over her late-night snack, she wolfed it down. She couldn't help the happy noises she made as she ate; finally satisfying the craving that consumed her._

_As she finished eating, her conscious mind recalled both her reaction and her previously ignored recognition of how unnecessary it had been. She started crying again as she apologized to her partners, hugging Genri and weeping into his arms as she tried to explain how sorry she was, and how mystified she felt by her own response._

_Promising she didn't mean any of it, and begging him not to hate her now._

_He simply held her, patting her back and murdering platitudes until the she calmed down. He offered her a wry smile._

_“I don’t hate you, Hari. I'm just glad that you don't hate me anymore,” he told her. “I guess we should have expected something like this to happen sooner or later. There must be all kinds of horror stories about pregnant women_ for a reason _, after all.”_

_She giggled, feeling slightly less guilty now that he was joking about it._

_“I am sorry,” she said. “I just don't know what came over me.”_

_“It's fine; at least now we know what to expect.” He smirked at her. "Although I have to admit, Hari – you’re kind of terrifying when you’re angry.”_

_She blushed. Her embarrassment was compounded by the sudden realisation that her shields had been fluctuating the entire time, flooding the room with her over-exaggerated feelings and swamping her boys in the morass of her hormone-fuelled breakdown. A mixture of fear and shame filled her at her lapse in control._

_Ensui was watching her warily, seemingly waiting to make sure that the danger was over. She winced at how off-balance she'd made her Sentinel feel._

_Offering them both a sheepish, apologetic smile, she quickly leveled her shields out and tightened them down._

_“Gomen," she repeated. “I didn't even realise how out of control I was.”_

_Genri just gave her a fond smile, radiating enough forgiveness and understanding to make her tear up again._

_“Lucky for me Ensui-koi was here to come to my rescue,” he teased, tossing a wink over his shoulder._

_Ensui snorted as he finally moved further into the room._

_“I was just glad she was angry with you and not me,” he refuted._

_Genri pouted at him, and Ensui's lips twitched in response. The warm, affectionate feeling that trickled through their bond told Hari that he was occupied by thoughts of how adorable his lover was, and it made her grin. The smug awareness coming from Genri told her that he realised it, too._

_She detached herself from Genri and embraced her Sentinel, realising that the situation had to be addressed._

_“Thank you for keeping your head and defusing the situation,” she started out. “I don't know what would have happened if you hadn't.”_

_Before he could respond, she continued in a way that was guaranteed to make him pay attention._

_“Sentinel.”_

_He froze, his instincts automatically forcing him to focus on her._

_“Guide.”_

_His gaze zeroed in on her, and she almost shivered under the weight of it. It was always a little bit disconcerting to be focused on so intensely and completely. D_ _espite her instincts as a Guide making her feel safe and cherished by the strength of her Sentinel's regard, the knowledge of how keen his senses were and awareness of how completely they were centered on her made her feel exposed._

_Only the fact that it was Ensui made it bearable; allowing her to trust in the comfort her instincts found in it._

_Biting her lip, she admitted, “It_ scares _me, knowing I lost control like that. The training I received for retired ninja who go active wasn't thorough enough to help right now. I_ know _we're at war, and resources are prioritized for active shinobi; but losing control of my empathy like that could be dangerous. I_ need _more training to make sure that doesn't happen again.”_

_He nodded slowly, no doubt already making plans to ensure she would be given the necessary training to avoid any repeated episodes of uncontrolled empathy._

_She smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Stepping back, she gave him a nod of her own to indicate that she would trust in his resourcefulness._

_“Arigato, Sentinel,” she said, the relief in her voice clear._

_A glance at Genri told her he was watching the two of them in fascination; intrigued as always by the sight of their bond in action. She offered him a warm smile, and pressed a kiss to his cheek as well._

_“Arigato, Gen-kun,” she said. Her voice was soft and her eyes filled with gratitude. It never ceased to amaze her how generous and understanding he was; there was absolutely no jealousy or resentment in him for her having a bond to his lover that he would never share._

_He smiled back at her, pecking her on the forehead in response. He understood without the need for words that she was thanking him for sharing his lover with her as her Sentinel. For accepting and loving her wholeheartedly, instead of merely tolerating her for Ensui's sake._

_“You're a lucky man, Ensui,” she informed him, crossing her arms over her chest. Genri puffed out his chest in an exaggerated show of pride that left her chuckling._

_Ensui's eyes softened as he met his lover’s gaze. Their bond practically hummed with all the adoration and devotion he felt._

_“Hai,” he said. “I am.”_

* * *

_I took that from him. They were so happy, and I broke that._

A growl interrupted her train of thought, and she looked up into the unimpressed expression of Neko, her Spirit Animal. The panther radiated disapproval at her little mental diatribe, and she found it easier to stop herself.

Admittedly, Neko’s opinions did not factor into her choices nearly as often as they probably should have – choosing to call the panther “Cat" had not impressed him _at all_ – but his presence did help her to push past her new tendency to slip into self-hatred and blame.

Hari breathed deeply as she shook herself out of the thoughts that had strayed into dangerous territory. Logic demanded she acknowledge that it was war which was ultimately at fault for Genre’s death; unfortunately, it _also_ ensured she was aware of the fact that she had been a contributing factor, however unintentionally.

Getting up, she reattached her prosthetic as she prepared to join her Sentinel and child in the kitchen.

* * *

Ensui tilted his head in her direction when she entered the room – an unnecessary gesture, since his senses would have been cataloguing her from the moment she woke; but it was his way of letting her know he was aware of her presence. As it was, he was too occupied with the baby in his arms to offer her any other greeting.

Hari was pleased to see that Shikari had taken to her tou-san so well - she'd worried that the baby would be difficult for someone she would consider a stranger; but apparently Hari’s habit of showing Shikari pictures of her family members made his face familiar enough for her to give him a chance. Being a Sentinel helped, she was sure. After all, he could probably sense the slightest changes in breathing or expression that would indicate any form of discontent, which would allow him to head them off.

Hari started to make their morning meal, taking over the preparations Ensui had started and obviously abandoned when Shikari woke up. She could hardly begrudge him for doing so.

It was his first day of leave after months away; it would be foolish to expect him to be anything other than exhausted for a while. Not to mention the fact that this was the first opportunity he'd had to interact with his daughter since she was born. No doubt food seemed insignificant next to that prospect.

She stole a glance at him, taking in the expression on his face as he spoke to her; the almost painfully gentle tone he used to address her matching the reverent way he stroked her cheek with his finger. His eyes were shining as he looked at her.

While their bond told Hari he couldn't help but be aware of her presence, it was an absent awareness; his entire focus consumed by the miracle before him. Her heart warmed to see the two of them together.

The silence stretched comfortably between them while she occupied herself preparing a traditional Japanese breakfast – grilled fish, steamed rice, miso soup, and pickled vegetables. She made a pot of tea while the miso soup finished warming, then dished their meal out onto two trays.

Ensui murmured his thanks, still focusing on entertaining Shikari. She was starting to seem much less cheerful; probably getting hungry again, or perhaps needing a change. Most likely both.

“Let me know when you’re ready to eat,” Hari offered. “I'll take her and get her ready for the day when you do.”

Ensui gave her a brief nod, and she sensed a hint of reluctance and regret from him. There was also a determination to spend time making sure he learned how to care for Shikari properly himself, so that he could spend more time with her while he was still in the village.

Hari ate quickly, knowing it wouldn't be long before Shikari started to cry.

Sure enough, she began fussing just as Hari finished clearing her plate.

She rose and relieved Ensui, who was attempting to soothe the baby, taking her back into her nursery to change her before feeding. She offering soothing promises, sending a gentle empathic impression of comfort and relief to her daughter to help her settle.

As she relaxed and started nursing Shikari, she realised that without any distractions from his mourning, Ensui's mood was sinking back into melancholy.  
There was an ever-present undercurrent of grief to him since Genri’s death, and Hari had no idea what to do to help.

Her own grief hardly made things any clearer – sometimes it felt like just trying not to overwhelm him and forcing him to deal with her mourning on top of his own was barely possible; let alone giving him comfort.

The world was a darker, emptier place without Genri. It wasn't something she could or would deny. There seemed to be a constant battle in her head not to keep breaking down.

_How could she reassure him that everything would be okay when she couldn't even believe it herself?_

* * *

After breakfast was over, Ensui took Shikari to the Clan Head's house to visit his parents. He was reluctant to part with his daughter any sooner than he absolutely had to, and his mother had already expressed her willingness to take Shikari while he met with his father. He didn't bother inviting Hari to come along, as she and Noriko did not enjoy one another's company.

While she did not quite dislike Hari so much as find her impossible to understand or relate to, the two struggled to get along due to their lack of common ground. Hari found her too old-fashioned and judgemental; Ensui knew that his mother _wanted_ to understand both their relationship dynamics and their reasons for refusing to engage in a sham of a marriage, but simply didn't understand why they were unwilling to put up a front for appearances sake.

While they were hardly the first couple in their or any other clan to have a child without any romantic or sexual desire between them, they were the first who refused to uphold a public façade of matrimony before or even after doing so. Artificial means of reproduction may have been available, but such services were generally utilized discretely and considered something of a dirty secret.

Ensui and Hari were unique in both being a bonded Sentinel-Guide pair who had an entirely platonic bond, and in being the first set of platonically-involved parents who were unashamed of who and what they were, with absolutely no inclination to pretend otherwise for the comfort of others.

Hari had always been considered somewhat scandalous; the black sheep of the Nara Clan who was frequently looked on with disapproval by the Elders.

Prior to enabling her to avoid adopting even the impression of respectability provided by marriage, Ensui looked like an angel compared to her. Likely part of the reason he had originally latched onto her as his best friend and decided to never let go.

Of course, the fact that he found her antics incredibly entertaining and was an impressionable four year old when they first met likely played a part in it as well.

As a notorious prankster, her in-village reputation was that of a wild and unruly troublemaker; one who unfortunately only improved with age in the sense that she became _more_ skilled at _causing_ chaos and less likely to leave behind any _proof_ of her involvement. From an early age, she had refined the art of revenge – it was what led to her eventual skill as a saboteur.

However, even as a small child, she had been both ruthless and thorough in enacting karmic justice on anyone she found deserving. She was a firm believer in irony and disproportionate retribution, and was always quite gleeful over the prospect of _encouraging_ a person's poor choices to backfire on them in spectacular and often publicly humiliating ways.

Between her utter disregard for propriety and penchant for mischief, she had caused the Nara Clan Elders no end of headaches over the years. Her early retirement was therefore the cause of much dread within the ranks of the stuffier and more traditionally-minded members of the village.

She avoided disownment due to a combination of being careful not to push the boundaries too far, and having a Yamanaka mother whose clan would likely take offense if her daughter had been disowned without sufficient cause. It helped that the Clan Head, Nara Shikatori, along with a large number of their more laid-back clansmen found her endlessly amusing.

His wife was less entertained and more horrified at the chaos the young half-Nara frequently left in her wake; which resulted in Hari attempting to limit her interactions with her Sentinel’s parents in an attempt to keep the peace.

Nara Noriko may not have understood the relationship her younger son had with his Guide, nor the woman herself; but she was thrilled to be a grandmother.

As a result, she was unquestionably pleased at the prospect of an opportunity to dote on her granddaughter without also having to interact with said granddaughter’s mother.

Ensui _did_ need to meet with his father as soon as possible; particularly since his older brother was currently in the village as well. Opportunities for the two of them to be in the village at the same time were rare enough these days – especially given how important Shikaku was proving to be for the war effort – and it was important for the all the members of the Clan Head's immediate family to be as up-to-date and aware of any potential clan issues as possible, to minimize inconsistency in leadership.

While Shikatori was currently the Clan Head, it was important that his heir be involved in or at least aware of as much of the internal workings of the Clan as possible. He intended to hand over the leadership as soon as Shikaku would be stationed in-village often enough to justify doing so.

Between his position and his age, Shikatori was deployed much less frequently than other shinobi of similar rank, allowing him to continue managing the Clan with minimal disruptions. However the role of Clan Head was one that was traditionally passed on with the marriage of the Clan Heir, allowing a surviving Clan Head to take a position as one of the Clan Elders and reduce their level of personal responsibility. While Shikaku was not yet married, he had recently bonded with his chosen Guide, and would therefore be married once the war had calmed down enough to allow it.

The Nara were fortunate in that theirs was one of the few Clans whose Head had lived long enough to pass on the Headship in person rather than having it be held in trust by their Clan Elders for a too-young Heir; the shinobi lifestyle was not conducive towards living long lives. Elders became so solely through the achievement of surviving to retirement age.

Typically, once a ninja entered his or her late thirties to early forties, the decades of abuse their bodies had been subjected to forced them to assume administrative or advisory roles. Such a thing was uncommon enough that any nin who remained in active duty over the age of forty could generally be considered old.

As such, Nara Shikatori had reached the age at which he was ready for retirement, and was preparing Shikaku to take over for him as much as he could before his marriage. As the second son of the Clan Head, Ensui was Shikaku’s Heir until he had a child of his own. Therefore Ensui was also involved in as much of Shikaku’s training as he could be present for.

As a result, Hari was left to her own devices for the first time in what felt like forever.

While she adored Shikari and considered having her well worth the struggles and trials motherhood brought with it, being a single mother had still been very difficult. Having time to herself without having to worry about her daughter was something of a novel experience since giving birth, and she was determined to make the most of it. 

* * *

Meditation was essential to a Guide's ability to maintain their shields and refine their abilities; practicing it was also necessary to maximize their ability to support and ground their Sentinels. While bonded Sentinels and Guides preferred to stay close and fight together, this was not always possible for shinobi.

As a result, they worked and trained hard to make the most of their bonds over a distance; in preparation for the times they would be separated. Unbonded Sentinels and Guides were also assigned to work with bonded ones anytime such a separation was necessary; Sentinels and Guides were required to learn to work with others outside their bond and tolerate the intrusion on their bonds if and when circumstances demanded it.

It was the method used for pregnant or injured partners to offer support to their deployed bonded, and to ensure that members of bonded pairs were still useful apart; even if they would always be most effective together.

Since Hari had been invalided out of field work right after she came online, she and Ensui were never actually able to fight together the way bonded Sentinels and Guides usually did. Ensui insisted it wasn't necessary – one of his regular squad-mates was a Guide, and Genri's status as a Sensitive and inclusion in his bond with Hari allowed him to aid Ensui with keeping their bond effective despite the distance.

Since reaching Chunin rank he'd been part of a squad that included his old Genin teammates, Umeda Genri and Kuroki Yoshino, along with both of Hari's Genin teammates, Yamanaka Santa and Akimichi Shinto. While their squad was originally balanced – Genri was a non-latent Sensitive, and the others were an evenly divided mix of latent and online Guides and Sentinels – Yoshino's status as a fully-qualified field medic and unbonded online Guide meant she was frequently assigned wherever she was needed most.

Shinto’s Sentinel abilities remained latent, and Santa and Ensui worked together so well in the field as an unbonded Sentinel and Guide that the arrangement was continued throughout the war. Despite knowing that the strength and stability of Ensui's senses had improved after bonding with her, Hari couldn't help feeling a bit superfluous.

She spent a great deal of the time Ensui was first deployed meditating and doing her best to keep him shielded and stabilized from a distance; wondering if she was as useless as she felt. It hadn't helped that she'd only been given the bare minimum of training – training was prioritized for those who would be fighting.

When she was pregnant, after admitting to her Sentinel that she needed more training, she found her ability to aid him while they were separated improved along with her control. It meant that she was more helpful during his second, longer deployment after they'd bonded.

At least, until her _Mistake_.

At any rate; since coming online, meditation had become a very important part of Hari's life. However she had found herself with very little time to meditate since Shikari's birth – and had developed an unfortunate tendency to fall asleep whenever she tried to make time to do so.

She hadn't even visited the spirit plane at all since before Shikari's birth.

So while she _did_ plan on visiting the training fields before Ensui got back; for now, she intended to spend some quality time meditating and getting reacquainted with the inside of her own head.

Neko was eyeing her with approval as she made herself comfortable, and she refused to acknowledge the guilt she felt over the rift that had sprung up between them over the last few months. Life had been difficult; absolutely everything had just been so hard, and she often felt like she was drowning.

As much as Neko’s intentions were well-meant, she had simply been too overwhelmed and fragile to handle any of his attempts at comfort and reassurance with any sort of grace. The limitations of their ability to communicate outside the Spirit World had only complicated matters between them. Especially given her lapse in meditation under the strain of constant exhaustion.

So as she slipped into a meditative state, she was aware that her eventual arrival on the Spirit Plane would herald the start of a much-needed, long-overdue reconciliation between them.

The inevitable necessity of such an event did not mean it would be any easier to accomplish, unfortunately. 

* * *

_Slipping away from the physical plane was a relief. Arriving in the Spirit World after months of absence felt like shedding a heavy burden she hadn't even realised she was carrying._

_Hari opened her eyes and glanced around the blue jungle, relieved to see the open space around her. While her physical tiredness did not hinder her here, her mental exhaustion was still an issue. As such, running around the jungle with her companion was not an appealing prospect right now._

_She would do it if he asked it of her, of course; but she was grateful that the clearing indicated they were likely to remain stationary for a while. Even if he wanted them to move eventually, the fact that her location indicated that they would not be going anywhere at first was appreciated. Even if it meant they were going to have to_ talk _about things; things she was by_ no _means_ _feeling prepared to deal with just yet._

_She folded her legs, sitting comfortably in the middle of the clearing she had arrived in. Stretching her arms over head, she rolled her head until her neck cracked in a satisfying way. Continuing to stretch and relax her body – even if it was only a mental representation of her presence, the familiarity of the movements was soothing - she patiently for her panther to show himself._

_His large, black form slunk out of the shadows, serious eyes fixed on hers as he glided towards her. Her lips squirmed in a fond smile, and she dipped her head in greeting._

_“Neko-Sama.”_

_She hid a smirk when he twitched, levelling a flat look at her in return. His eyes were narrowed in a familiar irritation as a low growl rumbled through his throat._

_~_ That _is_ not _my name.~_

_Her smile widened._

_“I know,” she said, shrugging carelessly. “But I wouldn't want to slip up and use your proper one back home, Ko-kun.”_

_He chuffed grumpily, but she was aware of the exasperated fondness that underlay his annoyance. She was also aware that he knew she had a point. While her irreverence in her choice of public name for him was unusual, the practice of using one was not. The True Names of Spirit Animals were considered private things, known only to the members of their bonded pairs – though there were a few rare exceptions, such as Genri, who were close enough to the bonded to be gifted with that knowledge as well._

_A surge of grief blindsided her again, and she shut her eyes, drawing in a sharp, shaky breath. So focused was she on containing her reaction to the stray thought that reminded her of her loss, she missed Koichi's approach._

_She only became aware of it when a comforting weight rested on her shoulder; the warmth of his large head pressing close to her own as he offered her an approximation of a hug._

_~I miss him, too.~_

_The sentiment was heavy, mournful; filled with an equal amount of regret as her own. She leaned her head against his, tears pressing against her closed eyelids. Grateful beyond words for his presence; for the lack of need or desire to make her speak. It gave her a such a desperately-needed feeling of companionship and validation; his understanding and sharing of everything she couldn't say. Everything she held inside, unable to express or convey to anyone; the volatile and excruciating mixture of emotions building up and choking her from the inside out._

_She slid her arms around him and burrowed into his warmth._

_~You have_ every right _to grieve for him so deeply. He may not have been your Sentinel, but he was still your partner; the other father of your child. The fact that you were neither lovers nor_ in _love with one another does not in any way invalidate your love for each other. If losing him were any less devastating, his worth to you would not be what it was. To presume otherwise devalues the relationship you shared with each other.~_

_Her breath hitched as he pinpointed the source of the tangled emotions surrounding her grief, and her fingers tightened convulsively in his fur as he continued._

_~His death was not your fault.~_

_Hari sobbed. She buried her face into his shoulder, tightening her arms around him as the instinctive insistence that ‘yes, it very much was’ rolled through her, and Koichi growled._

_~It was_ not. _His death was due to war and chance; it was not your doing.~_

_He continued to impress his opinion upon her even before her thoughts could begin to formulate a rebuttal._

_~While the accident may have briefly increased the risk he was under, it did_ not _cause it. It is highly unlikely that he would not have died even if the accident had not occurred; and even if it was, no one could have predicted what happened before it was too late. The accident was precisely that – an_ accident _. You did not know what was going to happen, and there was nothing you could do to prevent it. You should not blame yourself for not being prescient.~_

_She still could not help the shame that rippled through her, nor the nebulous fear that accompanied it._

_~Ensui will not blame you. No one else does, and you should not think so little of your Sentinel as to fear that he would hold you responsible for something beyond your control.~_

_As usual, he could see through everything she thought or felt. His method of communication granting him the ability to cut through the complexities and confusing and reach straight through to the heart of the matter._

_She couldn't articulate her struggle to reconcile the bare facts of the situation with the extenuating circumstances and the tumultuous emotions that accompanied the whole mess._

_Yet Ko-kun understood without needing any explanation, and as he pressed close he gave her the wordless reassurance of his presence. She felt more than heard his comforting assertion that he wasn't judging her, and only sought to help her heal; but that he would not push her farther than she was ready to go._

_Spirit Animals couldn't speak; not the way that people and Summons could, at any rate._

_They communicated through impressions, images, and ideas conveyed telepathically to their partners. While such communication was limited in scope in the Physical World, in the Spirit one it came across so clearly that the actual words were entirely unnecessary to understand_ exactly _what one's Spirit Partner wished to express._

_Technically, it was equally unnecessary for her to reply; as the ability worked both ways, allowing her partner to perceive each and every one of her thoughts, feelings, and intentions the moment they were formed. While the ability was similarly diminished on the Physical Plane, in the Spirit World it was correspondingly amplified to lay the entirety of her inner workings bare before him._

_If their connection were any less deep and intimate than it was – if she couldn't feel the purity of his intent, the extent of his loyalty to her, and the depth of his devotion to the ideals most dear to her heart burning and resonating within her soul – she had no doubt she would resent how exposed the very core of her was to him._

_But she found herself unable to feel anything but sincere appreciation and fondness for a being whose sole purpose for the duration of her lifetime was to protect and encourage her. To teach and strengthen her; to guide and guard her. To give her advice and correct her mistakes; to help her find her purpose and fulfill her duties, and be her constant, unwavering companion as she walked the path before her._

_The only other being who understood her so completely was her Sentinel, and even he was limited in that by his humanity. The bond between Sentinel and Guide broke down if not erased all the barriers between two people; but humans were nonetheless incapable of such complete insight into one another as a Spirit Animal possessed._

_Hari often wished that she was capable of such an ability herself. For all that she was a Guide, people was in general often baffled her._

_As skilled as she was at identifying, interpreting, predicting, and manipulating people's motivations, actions, and reactions; she frequently found herself unable to understand them. Even after coming online gave her greater insight into them, she found herself struggling to relate to so many of their choices._

_They were just so…_ stupid _._

_So many people engaged in wilful ignorance; it drove her crazy. The dearth of logic applied in the daily lives of many gave her a headache to contemplate; the counterproductive selfishness and unnecessary behaviour they often engaged in – whether individually or as a mob – were only less irritating to her than their refusal to consider or anticipate the results of such._

_Yet at the same time, it fascinated her._

_She regularly engaged in people-watching; for all that their idiocy frustrated her, it had the same effect as witnessing a terrible disaster – it was horrifying, yet she found that she couldn't look away._

_This was why she couldn't resist the temptation to step in now and again to ensure that those who exhibited such disregard for personal responsibility and common sense reaped the full rewards of their choices. She fancied herself an instrument of karma; providing the general public with a much-needed education on cause and effect._

_Hari was of the firm opinion that while_ you couldn't fix Stupid _, you could still_ train _it._

 _After all, pain was a_ powerful _motivator._

 _Even the most stubborn, wilfully-blind moron could develop an aversion to Dumb decisions, through the power of a sufficient application of consistently painful consequences. And conditioning such individuals to behave in less_ Stupid _ways was practically a public service._

_Hari had long-since decided that she was a very generous, giving sort of person to do so for the benefit of the rest of her village. Koichi even agreed with her; since absolutely no one experienced anything under her machinations which they had not brought upon themselves._

_She snorted in amusement._

_The tangent in her thoughts had been subtle; she had barely even noticed Koichi drawing her focus away and onto a less painful topic._

_“Arigato, Koichi-kun,” she murmured._

_~You're always welcome, Little Guide.~_

_They sat together in silence a while longer, simply enjoying the peace and serenity of being together on the Spirit Plane._

_They would have time to train later. Right now, they needed the comfort and relaxation brought by taking the time to simply sit together and just be._

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 


	3. Remember The Past, Change The Future

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hari distracts herself from the upcoming conversation she needs to have by contemplating politics, war, and the world's history as she heads out to train as much as she can with her disability.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a lot of world-building; somewhat redundant as it includes info readers likely already know, but it was me attempting to fit the Sentinel/Guide mythos into the shinobbi world, and theorizing how that would impact their culture, customs, beliefs, and perceptions.

Opening her eyes left Hari feeling relieved to see that Ko had honoured her request for a bit of space when she returned. As much as she loved him and appreciated his steady presence during the past few months of upheaval, she needed some time to herself right now. This meant that the empty room that greeted her upon her return was actually quite welcome.

After settling back into her body, Hari realised she had spent quite a bit more time than she'd intended to on the Spirit Plane. Originally, she was planning on being home when her Sentinel got back, but that was unlikely to happen now.

She wanted to spent some time training physically before Ensui came home – there was a difficult conversation waiting to happen as soon as he'd spoken to his family, and she was not looking forward to it.

The amount of time it would take for her to get in a good physical workout and prepare herself mentally and emotionally for the discussion they needed to have was greater than the amount of time he was likely to remain at his parents' home. Especially considering how emotionally draining much of her reconnection with Koichi – no, _Neko_ ; she knew better that to get into the habit of thinking of him by his True Name outside the Spirit Plane – had been.

Oh, she certainly felt better for it; but that didn't change just how mentally exhausted she felt afterwards.

It had been necessary.

There was no question about that – just there was no question that a similar conversation on the same painful subject would eventually need to happen between her and her Sentinel.

Unfortunately, that would have to be put off in favour of discussing what had happened between Hari and the current Alpha Guide of the Nara Pride.

She was simply grateful that Nara Aiyori and her Sentinel would be replaced as the Alpha Pair of the Nara Pride whenever Shikaku and Yoshino were able to be around often enough to justify their taking over.

Technically Aiyori and her Sentinel were now the Beta Pair; it was only the fact that Shikaku and Yoshino were so in demand at the front that kept them from taking over the Alpha roles officially. They were much stronger than the former Alpha Pair, and the Nara Clan was not so large that the dual responsibilities of being both the Clan and Pride leaders would not be too overwhelming for the recently bonded couple.

The thought of having to continue dealing with the former Clan Alphas if the Nara Clan had held the same internal Clan laws as the Uchiha - which prevented Fugaku from holding the position of the Clan Pride's Alpha as well as the position of Clan Head - made her sick.

Fortunately, the Nara followed the much more common practice of having the strongest Sentinel-Guide pair in the Pride hold the rank of Alpha Pair; regardless of any other status or responsibilities. Even though she could see the merit in dividing the responsibilities and preventing any single couple from holding too much power over the rest of the Clan, the knowledge that two of the people she knew she could trust would be taking over the position of the clan’s Alpha Pair was beyond comforting.

Unfortunately, that didn't change the fact that there was currently a situation between Hari and the freshly-demoted Beta Pair that needed to be dealt with.

Starting with telling her Sentinel all about the whole sordid mess.

As much as Hari hated the thought of her Sentinel being upset with her after hearing his ka-san's second-hand version of things, she dreaded telling him what had _actually_ happened even more. But she _had_ to tell him; otherwise there was a good chance he'd be unprepared to hear the sentiments that would no doubt be expressed to him soon, despite her best efforts.

Being prepared to hear them wouldn't make them any less painful, but at least he wouldn't be blindsided by them from someone who was ignorant and stupid enough to actually _believe_ them.

Having Genri's death treating like a good thing; being regarded as fortunate for their bond… the very thought made Hari sick. And the memory of the way that bitch of Guide had _smiled_ and even _fucking laughed_ about it… 

It enraged her all over again.

The fact that she could feel that they _really_ , _truly_ _believed_ the unforgiveable things they said and implied made it that much worse. As hurtful as their words and attitudes were, the emotions that accompanied them were somehow the most terrible part of it all.

Because they honestly didn't see anything _wrong_ with their opinions.

They were honestly, genuinely confused over her grief and outrage. They truly believed she should be glad that Genri was dead, and this was a tidy end to an obscene relationship that Ensui should have ended long ago.

They simply didn't understand, and they didn't _want_ to.

There was _nothing_ unnatural or wrong about Ensui's relationship with Genri. There never had been. His death, and now his absence from their lives was a tragedy; and Hari fully intended to _eviscerate_ anyone who dared to try to shame or berate her Sentinel for mourning his lost lover and first love.

She would support and shield her Sentinel to the best of her abilities.

There were precious few meaningful ways in which she could offer him any kind of protection, but this she could do. She might not be able to shield him from it entirely, but she could prepare him to face it; defend, support, and validate him, his feelings, and his relationship.

But first, she was simply going to have to break the news of those reactions to him in the gentlest, most careful way she could.

However, she need time to herself right now if she was going to have any hope of being strong enough to give him the support she _knew_ he would need from her with that conversation. She needed to prepare herself and set aside her own reactions and feelings over everything in order to focus on him and his needs when the time came.

Because in the wake of that revelation, he _would_ need her. And she would need to be there for him without being distracted by her _own_ negative emotions while she helped him deal with his.

So getting home later than Ensui was simply the way it was going to have to be.

Stretching out, she reattached her prosthetic and rose from her seat. With swift movements, she gathered up all of her training gear and slipped out of the house, heading for the training field most likely to be free at the moment.

She sped along the path towards the exit to the Nara Clan Compound, flushing slightly at the pitying look the gate guard gave her. Signing out, she dashed towards the village as quickly as she could, uncomfortably aware of how long it took for her to leave the guard's field of vision.

While she was much faster and more agile than a civilian, even with her handicap; by ninja standards she was as slow as an academy student who had yet to make Genin. While it still embarrassed her at times, she had made her peace with it.

Mostly.

She _had_ come to terms with losing her previous speed for the most part; she just couldn't stand the pity other nin regarded her with when they noticed how much slower and more careful she had to be. Overall, her upset about the mobility she'd lost had largely faded away in favour of being grateful for the mobility she _did_ have available to her still.

It was the frustration and misery she felt at being confined to moving across the ground that was both more pervasive and more upsetting.

Ninja travelled using rooftops or tree branches – it wasn’t a requirement, and they were free to walk or run on the ground if they wanted to; it was just something they _did_.

Part of it was speed, part convenience, and a small part of it was that at one time, they'd all been that small child who had looked up and seen ninja racing up walls and leaping across buildings every day; thinking that it looked amazing and like it would be _so much fun._

While part of Hari regretted the loss of convenience that came from no longer being able to fly through the crowded center of the village without having to slow down and watch for civilians, the loss of the ability to engage in one of the most common habits ninja had even when relaxed and off duty was painful. Ninja did it all the time, without even thinking about it. They were more likely to use windows than doors as points of entry, even in the top stories of the tallest buildings.

The realisation that she had forever lost a skill that was so very quintessentially _ninja_ that children started learning it early on in the academy, had been as devastating to her as losing her leg had been.

Her ability to channel chakra through her legs and feet to stick to whatever surface she wished, to propel and enhance her movements and agility had been curtailed by the loss of one of those legs and the corresponding foot. She hoped that someday a prosthetic could be made which would allow her to channel chakra through it; but even then it was unlikely that she would ever be free to travel the way she used to. She would certainly never regain the speed or mobility she once had.

Perhaps eventually she would be grateful that she was better off than any civilian would be in her position. For now, it was still something she struggled with.   
Knowing it was a silly thing to feel so distressed over in the grand scheme of things didn't erase the feelings themselves.

It was not something that could be changed or controlled, so she simply breathed in as she made her way through the village; acknowledging her frustration and sadness, then breathed out as she let them go. It occupied her mind and gave her something to focus on, at least.

Part of her felt guilty and unspeakably selfish for being so upset by something so trivial in the face of the war.

So many people had lost far more than she had; had suffered so much more.

Many had not survived to struggle to adapt to changes in their lives.

Even civilians had lost things – some had lost _everything_. 

* * *

While shinobi were the ones fighting and dying on the front lines, they were not the only ones to suffer in this war. A large number of those living near the borders of Fire Country had lost their homes, their families, or even their lives. People fled the edges of the country inwards in droves, seeking sanctuary and uprooting their lives to rebuild away from the worst of the fighting.

Konoha was filled with refugees, along with Fire Country's Capitol. All of the larger cities in the center of Hi no Kuni had survivors or early evacuees arriving from various border towns; some of them only seeking temporary shelter for the duration of the war, others looking to build new lives and put down roots in a safer place. Even the smaller villages nestled inside the safer areas of the country had new arrivals searching for a new home in places similar to those they had left.

The outermost border villages had all been cleared of civilians by this point; the towns a bit further in were the ones evacuating now, since they were the closest targets should any enemies slip past Konoha's forces. The rare successful invading groups only consisted of a few exceptionally stealthy enemy shinobi, but even a single relatively weak shinobi could devastate an entire village of civilians with little difficulty.

It didn't happen often.

Unfortunately, _not often_ was not the same as _never_.

The problem was that the shinobi forces were stretched thin by the war effort.

Those who were not deployed to the front lines were divided between border patrols and guarding Konoha, the Capitol city, and the various supply farms and resource stockpiles. Their manpower was supplemented by the armies of the Daimyo, but there was only so much they could do to counter any invading ninja.

The Samurai and soldiers were spread between serving as personal guards for the nobility they served and patrolling their Masters' lands.

All of the shinobi of each country were nominally under the authority of their Daimyo, but with the exception of the Twelve Guardian Ninja they all answered first and foremost to their Kage. The treaties that allowed the establishment of the Hidden Villages recognized that their Kages technically answered to their Daimyos in theory, but in practice things were usually much more complicated.

Shinobi were simply too powerful for civilians to make war against them.

If they _truly_ wished to overthrow the nobility and rule in their place, there was little that could be done to stop them. The only thing truly keeping them in check was their dependence on civilians for resources and services, and the knowledge that they could not survive without them.

Between the samurai and soldiers loyal to the Daimyo, and that dependence on civilians to provide for the needs shinobi did not have time or training to fill themselves, such a war would only result in a pyrrhic victory.

The Guardian Ninja were a Pride of twelve of the most skilled, loyal shinobi who had been hand-selected by the Daimyo to guard the palace. They protected him, his family, and his court against any shinobi threat – foreign _or_ domestic. Their first loyalty was to _him_ , not their Kage.

Through this practice, and the fact that the Kage would defer to the Daimyo and through them, all the shinobi of their Village would follow; the nobility could be assured of the shinobi's willingness to maintain their arrangement.

As much as Kages were technically assigned the same level of authority and autonomy of any other noble under their Daimyos, due to the very nature of the power wielded by shinobi the Daimyos had no way to actually enforce their rule over them. Therefore the Kages held political power virtually equal to their Daimyos; with the ultimate Lords of the countries exercising their authority over their Kages as sparingly as possible to minimize the temptation for defiance. 

It was why they were called Kages in the end – they were the “Shadows" of the Daimyos; the almost entirely independent Shadow Leaders behind the Daimyos’ thrones, ruling over the darker, sneaker, and most powerful parts of their Daimyo’s forces. 

The Daimyos were willing to share power with the Kages the way they did because it neatly organized all of their countries' ninja into a single location, and ensured that they all agreed to answer to the authority of the ruling classes. 

The establishment of the Hidden Villages guaranteed them the loyalty of all the ninja in their country, and ended the centuries of bloody, violent clan wars that had torn apart their lands prior to the shinobi uniting and agreeing to combine their various Clans and Prides into one, much larger Tribe. 

  
Prior to the unification of the Fire Country shinobi under the banner of Konoha, each and every Shinobi Clan was independent. Every clan was a separate Tribe, with one Pride, and everyone outside of that was a potential enemy. 

  
They answered to their Clan Heads, their Clan Pride Alphas, and their Clan Elders; and while they were all nominally under the authority of the nobility, there was no real way for the rulers of the lands to keep track of them or enforce their authority over them all, other than by hiring another ninja clan to carry out their will against one who would rebel. There was no way to be sure they would not be hired by another Country’s leadership, or by a dissenting noble who wished to overthrow the current Daimyo.

The Clans existed in an almost constant state of war against one another.

Ceasefires between clans came and went, but for many centuries there had never been a time without warfare between at least one of the country’s shinobi clans and another.

As a result, the economy and security of settlements across the continent were very unstable.

Nowhere was safe from becoming a potential battlefield; no one was safe when there was a consistent and ever-present risk of shinobi violence breaking out anywhere, at any time. In many cases, the best civilians could hope for was to be out of the line of fire when such outbreaks occurred. Every village that entered into a vassalage or trade agreement with a shinobi clan had to weigh the benefits of shinobi protection against the risks of being targeted by the clans’ enemies.

It was only in the palace of the Daimyo, and to a lesser extent, the Capitol City of Hi no Kuni that the risk of becoming a victim of collateral damage was mitigated.

While there were four Noble Shinobi Clans in the Land of Fire, only the Akimichi Clan held any other sizeable shinobi clans as vassals. The Yamanaka and Nara Clans were the two largest clans willing to swear fealty to another Clan; the alliance between them and the Akimichi was such that they were all very satisfied with the arrangement. Together, the three were virtually untouchable by the other shinobi clans, and it was partially due to their steadfast fealty to the Fire Daimyo that he felt comfortable placing faith in the founding of the new Hidden Village of Konoha.

Overall, the only positive about the situation during the Warring States Era from the Daimyos’ points of view would be that the shinobi forces across their countries were much too divided to ever rise up against them. There were no real benefits to the common people from the conflicts between shinobi clans, and none of them were happy about it.

Even the ninja themselves suffered due to the unrest – in the end, it truly benefited no one at all.

The high mortality rate of shinobi led to clans arranging marriages for their members as early as they were capable of reproducing, and each couple being required to produce as many children as possible.

Children were also sent out on missions from a young age, in order to ensure that as many of the their clans’ contracts were upheld as possible regardless of the number of able-bodied shinobi available to take missions. It was an unfortunate necessity at times, because maintaining these contracts was essential to ensuring their clans had the resources to get by. This was compounded by the fact that competing clans were often forced to try to set the lowest possible prices for their services in an effort to remain competitive and win the most valuable contracts, which resulted in their being forced to take even more contracts just to make ends meet.

While it helped to supplement their forces and keep their numbers up when necessary, it also ran the risk of losing children to enemy shinobi.

For all that they would assign the safest, simplest missions to their youngest ninja, every shinobi mission carried a risk or combat and death. And small children, no matter how well-trained, were simply much less likely to survive such a thing.

The mortality rate of children in shinobi clans in those days was heartbreakingly high.

While the creation of the Hidden Villages was a revolutionary idea at the time, the potential for things to end badly was a very real concern.

The not-entirely unfounded fear of a shinobi uprising against the nobility should all the Country’s ninja band together had previously kept the Daimyos from attempting to encourage anything similar. It wasn't until the founding of Konoha that a treaty was created that offered sufficient protection to the nobility for them to feel comfortable with the idea.

The system established in the Land of Fire between their Daimyo and the Shodai Hokage – the First Fire Shadow – was designed to allay these fears as much as possible, and make the promise of peace within the Country’s borders seem like an achievable feat.

As a result, problems were actually more likely to come from within the new shinobi village, due to tensions between clans with a long history of enmity. This meant that the governing system and founding laws put into place for Konoha needed to be created very carefully, with a great deal of work being done to prevent inter-village conflicts from escalating and putting an end to the much-desired peace that was so close to being made a reality.

In this vein, each clan was granted a large parcel of land for a Clan compound to be built on. They all maintained a degree of independence and autonomy over their Clan members; who would all be subject to individual Clan Law. Internal Clan Matters remained such and were dealt with internally by each individual Clan.

The Clan Heads, Alphas, and Elders gathered together to agree on a set of laws for the village as a whole to govern their people outside of Clan Business by a single common standard. This simplified the expectations for everyone living in the village and laid the out in no uncertain terms for everyone to see.

Thereafter, any external crimes or cross-clan conflicts would be judged by convening a full Council of the Clan Heads and Alphas. There was also a strict set of guidelines regarding the rights and responsibilities for each clan; along with protections for them, their hiden techniques and Kekkei Genkai, their Prides, clan traditions, secrets, and members. Kekkei Genkai theft and theft of Clan Secrets were listed as Capital Crimes, across the board.

There were Councils established for the Clan Heads, the Clan Elders, and the Alphas of the various Clan Prides. Together they elected a representative from the strongest shinobi and most powerful Sentinel-Guide Pairs to lead them as Alpha-Primes and a Kage.

Overall, the system worked.

It helped that everyone was heartily sick of war. The promise of a safe place to raise their children and the ability to keep their children home where they would be protected until they were strong enough to defend themselves was extremely attractive.

The Daimyos of the other major countries were quick to follow the example of Hi no Kuni. Their shinobi clans might have been less willing to agree to the terms their Daimyos asked, or their Daimyos more strict in their demands; but both sides were simply unwilling to face the risks posed by the centermost country on the continent possessing a united shinobi force without establishing their own.   
It lead to an unprecedented period of peace in the history of their world.

Granted, it didn't last, even if the Villages didn't fall apart the way that most people had initially expected them to. Eventually there was war – it was human nature. But those wars were between countries, rather than the internal Clan Wars ravaging the countries from the inside themselves.

The Shinobi World Wars that followed were conducted on a much larger scale than the Clan Wars had been, and were correspondingly more devastating. However it did not change the fact that the heart of their countries were largely protected from the fallout in a way no place had ever been during the internal conflicts.

Even in the absence of true peace, everyone benefited from the end of the Warring States Era.

Overall, the Daimyos also benefited by having an entire village of shinobi to hire for a variety of reasons, as well as the security of knowing the borders were patrolled by shinobi.

During the world wars, the soldiers and samurai who served the Daimyo and other nobles were dispatched to cover and defend the territory the shinobi couldn't, due to their positions on the front lines.

While only the strongest samurai could stand against a powerful shinobi; weak shinobi could be overwhelmed by a force of sufficient size, and even some Chunin-level ninja could be beaten by a fully-trained Samurai. The troops of soldiers used their numbers and their training to defend the inner part of Hi no Kuni from those few enemies who reached their territory, and the Samurai that accompanied them used their chakra-based Kenjutsu techniques and formidable fighting styles in concert with each other to repel any stronger enemies who got too far into the country.

The divide between shinobi use of Ninjutsu and underhanded tricks when fighting, and samurai beliefs about honourable battle largely prevented samurai from being equal opponents to ninja in combat. Therefore they merely served as backup, and a line of last defence for the inner parts of Hi no Kuni.

Samurai beliefs and practices were much more in line with the code of honour instinctively practiced by Sentinels and Guides than shinobi ones were; which led many samurai to consider shinobi to be honourless. The fact that dormant shinobi were still allowed to serve their Villages disgusted the samurai – but the shinobi recognized that dormant shinobi could still be useful.

It was at times a bone of contention between the two groups; the shinobi pointing out that very few of their number were dormant, and the active status of the majority of their Sentinels and Guides showed that they were in-line with overall Sentinel-Guide instincts. The samurai sometimes countered that there were missing-nin and Ronin (rouge samurai) who did not go dormant either.

Something they were all reluctant to acknowledge was that there were ninja – and sometimes even samurai – whose reason for abandoning their duty was due to it causing their instincts to revolt and left them unable to obey orders which violated their primary drives. It was an uncomfortable truth and something of a dirty secret that there were a few loyal shinobi or samurai who would go dormant in the course of obeying orders.

Unsaid was the fact that those who betrayed their Village or their Masters and remained online did so due to being given orders which were untenable to the instincts of a Sentinel or Guide.

As a result, the most morally questionable assignments were usually only asked of mundanes or shinobi who were already dormant; online shinobi were only given such assignments if they were willing to risk dormancy. On the other hand, the code of Bushido demanded that dormant samurai commit seppuku to regain their honour, so most instances of samurai going dormant through fulfilling their duty were quietly dealt with and not publically acknowledged.

As warped as the Sentinel and Guide instincts of shinobi could become because of their duties and their missions at times, in the end, their highest purpose was still to protect their Tribe. 

This fact allowed the two groups to work together when necessary despite their often clashing ideologies.

However, even when their loyalty was the same and they were united in purpose, shinobi and samurai were never part of the same Pride. Their beliefs and the standards they lived by were too important to them, and differed too greatly for them to accept one another in such a way. No samurai would answer to a shinobi Alpha, and no shinobi could accept an Alpha who regarded them with disdain.   
Instead, the Alphas of each Pride would work together as allies when necessary.

Nonetheless, civilians generally regarded samurai as being more righteous than shinobi; as a result they were typically trusted more. This made many of Fire Country's citizens more comfortable with their non-shinobi protectors, despite the fact that they were less effective against enemy nin.

While the nobility all employed samurai as their most loyal and trusted retainers and protectors, only the Land of Iron eschewed shinobi for samurai entirely. Their samurai were so incredibly skilled and powerful, so well-trained and numerous; they were the only non-shinobi force in the entirety of the Elemental Nations who could fight with ninja on equal footing.

They alone were strong enough to drive any potential shinobi invaders to regret their actions severely, and enforced a strict policy of neutrality; refusing to have any part in shinobi conflicts. Even in times of peace, any ninja who crossed their borders without express permission or was caught wandering without an escort was treated as an invader and summarily executed.

Shinobi were only granted entry to their country under a very limited and strict set of circumstances, every one of which involved trade or diplomacy. Due to their complete rejection of the possibility of taking sides in ninja conflicts for any reason, they often served as mediators, hosting peace talks and Kage Summits.

A non-negotiable limit of two shinobi guards would be granted permission to accompany each Kage during these meetings, and they would be surrounded by samurai at all times. Any use of chakra by shinobi while within the borders of the Land of Iron was regarded as an act of hostility and treated accordingly. Anyone who attempted to violate the terms of neutral ground was killed by the samurai before they could succeed in accomplishing anything.

They only facilitated such meetings due to their desire to see shinobi conflicts end.

When the war finally came to a close, that would be the location their leaders would meet to set the terms of any ceasefire agreements.

The thought of peace was in the back of everyone's minds these days.

The Third Shinobi World War had been on going for a few years at this point; and people desperately wanted it to end.

However the all-too-brief ceasefire between the Second War and the current one had shown them the danger of attempting to call an end to the fighting without a decisive victory for either side. Konoha had won the last two wars; but they had done so by the skin of their teeth in the last one.

They’d no choice _not_ to start the war – Uzushio had been their sister village and closest ally from their founding, and the other nations had banded together to wipe it off of the map; hunting her people down and slaughtering them down to the last child. It had been so unexpected, and happened so fast that the massacre was already over by the time Konoha sent reinforcements.

A lack of retaliation in response would only serve to suggest to the wider world that Konoha was too weak to defend herself or her allies; the political repercussions alone would have been devastating. There was also the fact that their citizens and their shinobi were crying out for blood; for justice for the lost people of Uzushio. But fighting a war on all fronts, without any allies was a risky prospect.

So when they were satisfied that they had made their point, they brokered a ceasefire. The war had dragged on long enough and cost them enough that no one wanted the fighting to continue.

Ending the conflict without a firm resolution however, led to a very uneasy peace. The years between the Second and Third wars were so very unstable politically that it wasn't a question of _if_ war would break out again; only _when_.

As much as their people were already heartily sick of the Third Shinobi World War; they could at least accept that it needed to end with a clear enough victory to prevent the same kind of unrest from following, and potentially triggering a Fourth War soon afterwards. 


	4. Memories of Dragonflies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hari remembers spending time with her old best friend, Dragonfly, while they were in ANBU together.

Hari finished her stretches, and fell into the familiar rhythm of her Taijutsu Katas easily. She had taken great pains to relearn them when she was first getting used to her prosthetic, and now her movements during practice were almost as smooth and quick as they had been when she still possessed all of her original limbs.

Loosing her leg had hindered her career in many ways, and forced her to retire as a liability on the field – but she was determined that would not be the end of things.

Rolling over and accepting that her circumstances had rendered her useless to her village, just because her fieldwork days were over… it just wasn't in her to do that. 

Her fighting skills had always been secondary to her espionage capabilities; having an additional handicap on them as well as an obvious distinguishing feature like her prosthetic leg meant that she couldn't return to her former position. She was retired because she couldn't function in a combat role, or for stealth and evasion.

But that didn't mean she had nothing left to offer.

One thing she'd noticed during her stint in ANBU was that there were no spies or saboteurs ranked higher than Captain – and saboteurs who achieved that rank were rare. Part of that was due to the very short life expectancy they had compared to those ANBU with different specialisations. The other was due to the fact that ANBU’s command structure was very limited in size.

There were essentially just a few sub-commanders overseeing the various captains, who oversaw their own squads. The sub-commanders answered to the ANBU commander, who answered to the Hokage. ANBU were by necessity very good at self-regulating and self-management.

But the end result was that spies and saboteurs had little in the way of resources for advice, training, and oversight from experienced veterans who shared their specialization. They planned their own missions, and the bulk of their experience came from trial and error – error that was more likely to be fatal than not.

A large part of why Hari was successful was due to the fact that she was as talented at planning her missions as she was at executing them; skills which not every spy or saboteur possessed at the beginning of their ANBU career, and those who managed to develop them usually left ANBU not long after their short service terms were up. The past couple of years since her injury had seen her training hard, and putting together a plan that would hopefully both allow her to return to work and ensure higher survival rates for ANBU recruits in her old division.

She intended to advocate for ANBU retirees to be given the option to take on more official responsibilities regarding training and oversight; rather than simply dropping by in their free time to volunteer assistance now and then.

However, she needed to be as fighting fit as she could possibly get within her limitations first – pioneering such a change would unfortunately raise her profile a bit and possibly allow some individuals to make connections about her former line of work. Therefore it was extremely important that she be able to defend herself and Shikari long enough for help to arrive if an assassin ever targeted her.

In the meantime, Hari had taken to dropping into ANBU headquarters occasionally to offer her expertise with planning and advice to any newer recruits who had taken up either of her old specializations. 

It was a habit most long-term ANBU developed; the only people who truly left ANBU were those who had never intended to stay longer than their minimum terms of service in the first place.

ANBU acquired trainees through both volunteers and recruitment.

Those trainees tended to fall into one of two categories – those who wanted to be part of the shadows of the village as a stepping stone in the career paths they planned for themselves, or while they figured out where they wanted to go next; and those who were broken, grieving and shattered with nothing to hold on to who could rebuild themselves in the shadows.

For all that ANBU was cold and impersonal on the outside, the more involved you became with them the more you became part of the community – the _family_ – of broken people who depended on one another to put themselves back together and give them the strength to keep fighting. More than one online shinobi teetering on the edge of dormancy due to grief and trauma found new strength and resolve, and rekindled their determination to serve during their time in the village's shadow ranks.

When you'd lost everything else, it was a comfort to sink into the anonymity of masks and code names, and the silence of a group who communicated almost exclusively through hand signs and codes.

ANBU’s Tribe was the village as a whole; even those who had no one and nothing else to hold on to were able to find a sense of community and purpose through their work.

Being on the outside looking when they were on duty, each of them expected to occasionally pull shifts guarding the village… it let them observe the peace and happiness of the village, the innocence of the children playing; it reminded them what they fought for and gave them something to focus on protecting. It made them feel like part of the Tribe again, and firmed up their sense of purpose.

The close association and uniformity of the ANBU ranks gave them a feeling of unity and made them all a part of the most secretive and exclusive Pride in the village.

Their missions took them to the darkest parts of shinobi life, but they did it to protect the innocence of the rest of the Tribe. They walked the dirtier side of being ninja to safeguard the security and future of their home, and to prevent the as much of the next generation as they could from facing the kind suffering they had gone through. Everything they did was for the future of the Tribe.

It was surprisingly almost as effective a motivator for the mundane members as it was for the Sentinels and Guides among them. Shinobi were conditioned to think in a very similar manner to the instincts of Sentinels and Guides; it was why such a high percentage of those who were latent chose to go into ninja work, despite the oftentimes questionable morality of their missions. Mundane shinobi generally held very similar outlooks to Sentinels, Guides, and Latents; therefore the same type of work-therapy was effective for them even without the Sentinel/Guide instincts prompting their mindsets.

Even when they were ready to return to village life and left ANBU to run normal missions again, they were still ready and willing to be called in if they were ever urgently needed. Despite being ostensibly retired from the black ops group, many of them would return to HQ occasionally during their free time to help out with administration, or testing and training new recruits.

Staying in the corps full-time past the date when they could retire was the first – though by no means only – requirement before they could be considered for captaincy; once they lasted beyond that they usually considered themselves a life-long part of ANBU’s Pride rather than temporary members.

Those were the ones who stayed long enough to become Captains before eventually training up their replacements when they retired back into Konoha's main shinobi forces.

Others simply slotted into the Pride temporarily while they figured out where they wanted to go next, or gained the experience necessary to move on to the Prides they wanted to be part of. There were a few different reasons a person might choose to do so – all of them acceptable, and they usually left on good terms with the rest of ANBU.

Dragonfly had been one of them.

It had surprised Mouse. Dragonfly seemed as attached to the ANBU Pride as any long-term member, and she had been planning to train the kunoichi she considered her second as her eventual replacement as Captain in the event of her death or retirement from the corps.

Learning Dragonfly’s long-term plans didn't include that possibility may have meant she had to consider and begin training an alternate replacement; but the conversation they had on the subject resulted in a much closer friendship between the two than there might have been otherwise. 

* * *

_“I won't be staying in ANBU long enough to become a Captain, Mouse-Taichou.”_

_Hari – currently Mouse – blinked at the kunoichi she considered the most likely candidate for her eventual replacement in surprise. The Dragonfly-masked ANBU was one of the best infiltration specialists they had; it would be a blow to lose her._

_Her defeated posture, slumped on a bench in Headquarters with her hands clasped between her knees, suggested she was as unhappy about the prospect of her early retirement as Mouse was._

_“Any particular reason?”_

_Dragonfly stared at her hands, then let out a sigh._

_“I only joined because I was desperate to avoid being forced to bond with the Sentinel my clan elders chose for me before our marriage. It wasn't anything against him, just…” her voice trailed off as she struggled to put her feelings into words._

_“I always knew, growing up, that my future marriage would probably be arranged. From the time the Elders confirmed we were compatible as a potential Sentinel and Guide, it's been certain. I could have accepted that, if that was all it was,” she continued._

_“But the only reason I was even trained to fight at all is because Guides are meant to support their Sentinels in battle. And it's been made quite clear to me that I'll be expected to retire once we marry, and get to work on producing the next generation. Everything else I was expected to learn was taught to me with the expectation that the bulk of my existence will be dedicated to nothing other than being a wife and mother. I was expected to train to be a noble lady; to focus on art, music, dancing, embroidery… to be cultured, refined, and **decorative** ,” she almost spat the word. _

_“I took the initiative to turn all of the skills I was forced to learn for my eventual position as a dutiful and supportive wife into assets for infiltration. I trained as hard as I could as often as I could to hold my own in any fight without having to be protected by anyone. I worked myself to the bone to prove I could be an asset to the village in my own right; not just as an eventual support for my Sentinel._

_“I had to fight **so hard** to be recognised for my skills; to be looked at as more than a- a **prop** for a Sentinel, to make **him** more effective. As something **more** than some eventual broodmare. And by coming online, it felt like I lost everything I worked for all my life.”_

_She trembled in hurt and anger as she confided the circumstances that led her to join Konoha's shadow ranks._

_“My clan all just assumed I would simply drop everything to bond with the Sentinel they chose for me and be content to delegate myself to nothing more than his support-system. So I volunteered to join ANBU instead; to take a position where his skills were unsuited to joining me, so that I could be free until I marry.”_

_Mouse held herself very, **very** still. _

_Dragonfly’s situation sounded like a nightmare – like her own worst nightmare, in fact. She could barely contain her horror at the prospect of being violated in such a way._

_Violence was a fact of life for shinobi._

_They learned while they were still in the Academy about all of the unspeakable things that could or would happen to them in enemy hands. Learned about them, and were prepared to face and endure them to the best of their abilities if the worst ever happened._

_Every kunoichi knew that sexual violence existed, and that if they were ever captured by an enemy it was always a possibility. It wasn’t extremely likely, due to the prevalence of Sentinels and Guides amongst ninja forces – but that didn't mean it never happened. In fact, every single clan kunoichi with a Kekkei Genkai knew that being captured by an enemy nation was likely to end with them being used to breed children who would inherit their bloodlines, and could be raised to use them for the sake of those enemies._

_Hari wasn't bothered by the thought of torture, but the thought of being subjected to sexual violence made her violently ill. The thought of engaging in sex at all repulsed her; and the very idea of having it forced on her seemed like a special kind of hell._

_The only thing worse was the thought that the rapists could be members of her own village; her own clan. That their actions could be sanctioned and officially legal and above-board._

_She pushed her fear down, knowing it was not likely to be helping the young Alpha Guide at all._

_Drawing in a deep breath, she subsumed herself entirely into the persona of Mouse; mentally distancing herself from all of her thoughts and feelings, setting aside her own reactions and sliding into a mindset of pure, cold calculation. The mental distance was comforting to her unsettled nerves._

_“Do you want me to kill him?”_

_Startling, Dragonfly stared at her captain, somewhat alarmed and bewildered. “Kill who?”_

_“Your betrothed. So that you don't have to- so he can't force you to-“_

_Her voice trailed off, unable to finish verbalising it._

_“What? **No!** ” _

_Jerking backwards, Dragonfly raised her hands in a pacifying manner. The brief flare of startled alarm that pulsed from her was somewhat reassuring, but Mouse still wanted more information._

_“That isn't- he's not like that!”_

_Mouse tilted her head slightly and waited in silence for an explanation. Dragonfly sighed and put her head in her hands._

_“I explained this all wrong, didn't I?”_

_Mouse gave her a finger flick that was ANBU code for requesting clarification, and she groaned._

_“I guess I did. Shit.”_

_Mouse felt the subtle probe of her friend's empathy against her rudimentary latent shielding, and welcomed it in. It would help ease the conversation they were about to have if Dragonfly knew exactly what she wanted to know as it went._   
_While no longer plotting immanent murder against a perhaps-not-quite-so-deserving-after-all Sentinel, she was still unsettled enough to prefer to avoid speaking until she'd regained more of her equilibrium._

_“The situation and my unhappiness with it isn't my Sentinel’s fault – none of it,” Dragonfly explained._

_“He's actually a really good man, and to be honest I feel a little bit like a terrible person for the way I've treated him over the whole thing. Especially since he's been nothing but understanding and supportive from the very beginning. Even more so considering that he's completely in love with me – he's seriously totally stupid over me and there's little to nothing he wouldn't at least try to do to make me happy,” she admitted._

_“Granted, I know that I had every right to react the way I did when I first came online; the situation is messed up enough that my feelings about all of it are completely justified. Fugaku doesn't blame me at all – he agrees with the reasons I had for behaving the way I have completely. Which is part of why I feel bad about it; but I had no way of knowing that he'd turn out to be as amazing as he has in the beginning, so I know there was nothing wrong with my choices. I did the best I could for myself and my own mental and emotional wellbeing, and he made it clear that he feels that’s exactly what I should always try to do.”_

_Her voice grew a bit softer near the end of that rant, with a faint tone of bemusement to it._

_“The people who’re actually behind all of the messed up, sexist bullshit are our Clan Elders. He actually told me at the start that if I didn't want him, he'd refuse to marry or bond with me, no matter how much trouble they gave him over it. Said that he would never be party to rape or coercion, and the fact that I wasn't being given a choice made him more than a little homicidal.”_

_Blowing out a breath, she cleared her throat and picked up where she'd left off._

_“He refused point blank to instigate a bond with me after I came online, since he knew that I wasn't ready and didn't want it. That was just the first thing that started to convince me that he really did love me; since I always dismissed his feelings for me as shallow attraction and infatuation based on the idea of me rather than who I actually was. We both knew about their plans for our future from the time we were children, but I avoided him as much as possible rather than getting to know him. I resented the hell out of him and tried to ignore his existence on general principle. So when we got older I assumed that he knew as much about me as I knew about him.”_

_Looking up, she met Mouse's eyes and her voice became a bit more earnest._

_“I was sceptical the first time he claimed he was in love with me, and not at all interested in giving him a chance. I just dismissed it as him coming online and deciding to get a head start on acquiring the Guide who'd been chosen for him. So I was pretty shocked when he explained that he'd spent most our lives watching me – not about the watching thing; I knew that and when he realised how desperate I was to get away from him he tried to give me space. I just assumed that I got better at evading him…”_

_Her voice trailed off for a moment as she got lost in thought. Shaking her head, she refocused, getting herself back on track from whatever mental tangent had distracted her._

_“At any rate; what shocked me was when he told me that he hadn't just been watching me and following me around like a creepy stalker – he did his best to learn about me and find out what I was like as a person, not just his future Guide. At first it was just curiosity and fascination because he'd been told I was going to be his Guide. Maybe a bit of attraction as well, because I **am** rather pretty,” she said. _

_Mouse fought back a wave of amusement at the incredible understatement; the other kunoichi was possibly the most beautiful woman she'd ever seen. She waved her hand for Dragonfly to go on._

_“He said that the more he got to know me, even through a distance; figuring out who I was and how I thought and felt about things, the more he fell in love with the person he was seeing.”_

_The Dragonfly mask she was wearing kept Mouse from seeing her facial expressions, but she could hear the smile in her subordinate’s voice as she ducked her head and continued with the story._

_“Of course, I didn't believe him at first. While he offered to get me out of the engagement if I wanted it, I knew that the Elders would probably just try to force me to bond with someone else and there'd only be so much he could do to stop them. Future Clan Head or not; until we're married he has very little political power right now. At least by then I knew that he would refuse to consummate or Bond with me without my freely-given consent; I didn't want to risk getting paired with someone else who might be less scrupulous,” she continued._

_“But it was the way that he repeatedly and consistently demonstrating his understanding of me, and showed his appreciation for the person I was, and not who the clan tried to make me be that convinced me he was genuine. That he really had done all he could to prepare to be a good Sentinel and husband; not just in general, but for me personally._

_“He asked me to give him a chance. Told me he was willing to wait as long as I needed, but he wanted our marriage to be one of love and respect more than convenience. He said that he'd do whatever it took to earn my trust, and he was willing to spend the rest of his life trying to win my heart and keep it,” she said, her voice softening as she recounted her Sentinel's promise._

_“He informed me that he thought my spirit and my strength were the most beautiful part of me,” she added, hushed voice filled with emotion._

_She spoke the words very quietly, laced with an undertone that only another woman who had fought back tooth and nail all her life against the expectations and stereotypes placed on her by her gender could recognise or understand. Mouse was deeply relieved to hear it._

_It was the sound of a woman who had found a partner to stand with her. Someone to offer her both acceptance and validation for her refusal to surrender her own wants and needs in submission to society's demands. Someone who was willing to help her fight **her own** battles at her side, and support her hopes and dreams unquestioningly. _

_Mouse knew that she was incredibly lucky to have found someone like that of her own at a very young age._

_While her relationship with her own support-person was utterly platonic, and it was obvious from the way she was speaking that Dragonfly’s relationship with her prospective Sentinel was not, it still gave her a bit of insight into their dynamics. Mouse's own experiences with supporting and being supported by her gay best friend had convinced her that no one should or even could have to stand alone like it seemed Dragonfly had had to do in the past._

_She just hoped that her comrade had areas where she was able to support her betrothed as well. Dragonfly deserved better than an unequal relationship where she would be forced to lean on someone who never needed her emotional support themselves._

_“He said that he recognized I was an independent, intelligent, and powerful woman; and that he never wanted to take that away from me,” the spy told her._

_“It made him furious that I had to put up a front of being meek, biddable, and submissive all because of the antiquated ideas of a bunch of old men. He was very careful to clarify that he intended to minimize the amount of pretending I would have to do in the future, and that he never wanted me to do it in front of him. He promised me that he would fight tooth and nail to ensure I would always be free to be myself in my own home. And since he never once bothered hiding his thoughts or emotions from me at all, I could tell that every word he spoke was sincere,” she added._

_“He started by making sure that I got to join ANBU, and rescheduling the wedding date until after I’d be finished my full term so that no one could push through an early retirement for me.”_

_Mouse made a few quick hand signs to encourage her squadmate to expand on that little tidbit._

_The older girl glanced over at her team leader and shrugged._

_“Let's just say that the Elders were **not** happy about my career plans,” she offered. Her voice was wry, and oddly satisfied. Mouse tried to project a feeling of intrigued curiosity in response._

_Leaning back, the 18 year old snorted in amusement, before continuing her story in a tone of vicious satisfaction._

_“Actually, the Elders were mostly all horrified and outraged over my decision to join ANBU. They even attempted to use Clan Laws to keep me out of the corps and bring me to heel. My Sentinel put his foot down and forced them to let me do what I wanted. He might not be Clan Head yet; but other than being unbonded, the only reason he isn't the Alpha of the Uchiha Clan Pride is that our Clan Laws forbid the Clan Head from being a Clan Alpha as well. But he's definitely an Alpha Sentinel, even if he doesn't hold the position officially.”_

_She let out a chuckle and shrugged again when she noticed the way Mouse startled._

_“His spirit animal is a white tiger, for kami's sake!”_

_Her voice was filled with pride as she mentioned her Sentinel's rather impressive animal spirit._

_Mouse wondered briefly how her clan had reacted to Dragonfly's own companion; a river otter was not regarded with the same sort of reverence as a white tiger. Personally, Mouse thought it suited her perfectly – Dragonfly was a trickster; brilliantly sneaky, clever, and cunning. She was also extremely aware of and attentive to all of the little details that added up. It was what made her such an effective spy._

_She refocused her attention as Dragonfly kept speaking._

_“Everyone in the Uchiha Pride has a lot of respect for him. So when he speaks, the others listen; even if they're very careful to weigh his opinion before accepting it as readily as they would if he was the Pride Alpha. But he spoke to the rest of the Pride and got their support to shut the Elders down.”_

_She spread her arms, gesturing expansively._

_“I guess the point is that while I'm frustrated with the situation, and disgusted by the plans and expectations my Clan Elders have for me, I don't actually have any objections to my future Sentinel himself,” she pointed out._

_“I've spent my time off since the whole mess really blew up getting to know him and letting him court me whenever we're in the same area, and I‘m starting to believe that I really will learn to love him eventually. I had a lot of misconceptions about him that needed to be cleared up, and it’s just taking some time to correct my perception of him. For example, I'm learning that the only reason he acts so stiff and awkward a lot of the time is that he's terrible at social interaction and tends to panic whenever he has to deal with people.”_

_She rose from the bench and paced around the room for a moment, before leaning against the wall and resting her head back against it._

_“He lost his parents fairly young, and all of the “special training" the Elders put him through left him struggling to express himself and uncomfortable with displaying his emotions. Sometimes he misses social cues or misunderstands things and accidentally offends someone; which really only makes him more confused and uncertain when it comes to dealing with people,” she said._

_“At any rate, I don't think that being married **or** bonded to him will be a hardship. It's certainly going to be a lot better than I ever thought it would.” _

_Mouse nodded slowly, relieved to hear that her subordinates situation wasn't as terrible as she'd feared. She was also glad to hear that there were non-Sentinel related areas where her friend would be able to offer help to her future bondmate._

_Admittedly, she knew that it was likely that the only reason Dragonfly had even mentioned it was because she was shamelessly using her Guide skills on her latent Taichou the whole time in order to make sure she addressed all of her concerns. Not that Mouse minded._

_She trusted the other kunoichi wholeheartedly, and the sense of kinship she felt for her after hearing the older girl's situation had only increased that._

_She felt a bit humbled by how open her friend had been with the details of her personal situation – it indicated that her trust was reciprocated._

_Even more so since Dragonfly had all but stated her identity to her by naming her clan, her betrothed, and his future position as Clan Head. Her mask had stayed on; so Mouse would respect that and not give any indication that she knew who the other was outside of ANBU, but it still indicated a tremendous amount of trust._

_Reaching up, Mouse slowly and methodically took off her own mask. She ignored the gasp the other let out as her intention became apparent to her favourite squadmate._

_While members of the Black Ops group often figured out each others' identities, the sanctity of their supposed anonymity was always respected by pretending to be oblivious to anything that hinted otherwise._

_The only exception was when someone unmasked themselves in front of another – it offered a demonstration that they trusted the person they unmasked for with their identity, and granted them permission to approach them freely outside of ANBU. It was a statement that not only did they trust that person with their own life; they trusted them with the lives of everyone they cared about._

_In ANBU, there was no greater gesture of trust than to take off your mask in front of someone else._

_Doing so was an invitation and an honour to the one you extended your trust towards – significant enough that very few operatives ever actually offered it to one another. They might meet and develop a friendship outside the corps; but such things virtually always remained unacknowledged and unspoken of behind the masks._

_It was a gesture that showed someone that you considered them a part of your personal Tribe; above and beyond the being members of the ANBU Pride and the general bond of being comrades who served the same village._

_When you took off your mask in front of someone, you were basically declaring them **kin**. _

_Even among the mundane members of the corps, the gesture was taken very seriously and always treated solemnly. Mouse had never imagined granting it to anyone – but it was important to her that Dragonfly understood the level of trust and respect she felt for the older Guide._

_Face bare, she met the eyes of the stunned kunoichi across the room and smiled._

* * *

Thinking about Dragonfly always made Hari's heart ache a little bit.

By the time she had been invalided out of active service, she had honestly considered the other woman to be her best friend aside from Ensui. Dragonfly had even returned her gesture of unmasking, which almost made Hari cry.

They never really interacted outside of ANBU, however – their social positions were too different for them to easily explain their friendship, and their age difference was just large enough that they couldn’t claim to have met in the academy. They were almost four years apart, and while Hari had started the Academy early, the other girl had as well.

Hari's reputation as a troublemaker meant that the Uchiha Elders were not likely to approve of the two of them associating with one another, and her carefully-cultivated public image as a mediocre kunoichi was yet another strike against her.

It was necessary to keep anyone outside from taking note of her or connecting her with her role behind the mask, but it also meant that she was not regarded very highly by anyone who didn't know she was ANBU.

They might have been able to pretend to start a friendship on the outside if they'd had more time. Time they'd expected to have after Hari retired from ANBU and could repair her reputation by pretending to gain competence and skill once she rejoined the regular shinobi forces.

Which, due to her injury, never actually happened.

At the time, she had been rather busy panicking over the situation she found herself in as a newly-online Guide, who was expected to bond and marry and produce new little Sentinels and Guides for the good of the Clan.

By the time Ensui had offered her a solution that worked for them both, Dragonfly had left ANBU.

And by the time events in Hari's life had settled down enough for her to focus on something else, she had gone and made herself even _more_ scandalous and unrespectable by refusing to marry her Sentinel and supporting his relationship with his mundane lover. His _male_ mundane lover.

Genri was civilian-born; and he and Ensui shared the same teammates and peers enough that almost everyone they interacted with on a regular basis didn't care – they were either close friends who accepted them, or clanless or rebellious shinobi who had fewer prejudices without the obsession with passing on their bloodlines. None of the people who would snub him over it had any real impact on his life, and were therefore cheerfully disregarded as irrelevant.

Since he was the second son of the Nara Clan Head, Ensui couldn't really be snubbed with impunity.

That left Hari as the person who was most easily targeted with for the public disapproval of their relationship.

For the most part, she didn't really mind.

Dealing with the bulk of the backlash herself meant that her Sentinel and his lover didn't have to. She was thick-skinned enough and used to public disapproval to the point where it amused her more than anything else, especially given how hard she worked to cultivate a deliberately misleading public façade. However the unacceptable possibility of them hurting her Sentinel had her being very careful to enact ruthless vengeance against each and every person who dared to voice their disapproval.

Despite being done largely for the sake of the other members her new little family unit, she enjoyed herself quite a bit before people got smart enough to start keeping their mouths shut.

Tormenting idiots was basically her favourite thing, after all.

Each person who felt entitled to shove their unsolicited and ignorant opinions where they weren't wanted was rather gleefully subjected to a series of painful and humiliating life-lessons designed to either teach them better, or make them too focused on their own misery to care about what went on in her or her Sentinel's beds.

Which didn't really do her reputation any favours, to be honest.

No one could _prove_ she was behind the rash of misfortunes, but everyone _knew_. She was very careful to ensure they did without actually implicating herself. It would have defeated the point of the lessons, after all, if her unwilling pupils hadn't even realised they were _meant_ to be learning.

The Uchiha Clan Elders would have been horrified if she'd dared to approach their new Matriarch – and her friend was going to have enough battles with them over many more important and far-reaching issues without adding the stress of trying to justify and fight for an “unacceptable" friendship as well. Rather than make things more difficult for her, Hari simply resigned herself to losing touch with her dear friend.

The fact that it was a very frustrated force of Uchiha police officers led by their new Clan Head and Chief of the Uchiha Military Police – who was also Dragonfly's new husband and Sentinel – may have contributed to her wariness at the thought of approaching her friend.

For all that she knew the other woman would no doubt approve of both her actions and the reasons for them, Hari had absolutely no intention of making waves in her friend’s relationship.

She was well aware of just how much Uchiha Fugaku despised her for the many headaches and legions of paperwork she'd unintentionally caused him; not to mention making fools of all of his people who attempted to prove her involvement in her disproportionate revenge. Her actions hadn't always been _completely_ legal, after all.

 _Justified_ , yes; but not always _quite_ legal.

Not to mention there were a number of people she'd actually _ruined_.

Not that she engaged in extortion – her victims only _wished_ she did. Blackmail paid off in small amounts; but the clear statement provided by the public destruction of someone's life was a gift that kept on giving.

It made for a _highly_ effective object lesson.

Some people needed it more than others. All of them had definitely deserved it.   
Even though it had likely cost her the ability to rekindle her friendship with Dragonfly, Hari had no regrets.

Just the memory of the havoc she'd wreaked in the lives of the various bigots and busybodies of her village filled her with a warm, fuzzy feeling and made her smile.

A huge grin crept over her face as she cheerfully hurled senbon at the various targets spread around the edges of the field. The satisfying thud of each of the large needles striking true just increased her sense of satisfaction.

She ran through her arsenal of Genjutsu and Ninjutsu fairly quickly; most of it was either focused primarily on distraction and the bulk of it was useless without someone to practice on, but she preferred to keep up her casting speed even if she couldn't improve them without a sparring partner.

Finishing up her new, much-reduced training routine, she began her cool down stretches.

Thinking about the results of her past exploits always put her in a good mood; which was precisely what she needed before going home. She actually caught herself humming under her breath as she began heading back to the Nara compound.

It was a welcome change from the way she'd been feeling earlier, when she'd spent the trip heading out to the train field trying not to brood and getting stuck in her own head, so took a route that allowed her to avoid running into anyone.

When she was stressed or upset in some way, her empathy could be overwhelming. On a bad day, it seemed an awful lot like a curse.

She didn't bother avoiding the village center this time; she was actually in the mood to be around people right now. Heading towards the marketplace, she decided she might as well stop and pick something up for dinner.

Rich smells filled the air in the heart of the city; some wonderful and some considerably less than lovely. Food was everywhere in the open-air market. While many of the scents coming from cooking stalls and carts made her mouth water, there were also plenty of stands selling raw food that did not necessarily smell quite so delicious uncooked; particularly various kinds of raw meat.

It was a bit of a sensory nightmare for Sentinels at times; she knew Ensui couldn't stand it.

The streets were crowded as the villagers moved through the marketplace; filled with the chatter and noise of shoppers, stall-keepers, and street vendors bustling about, cooking, moving, or hawking their wares, and engaging in more or less good-natured haggling and heckling with one another.

It was bright and busy and _loud_ ; and most of all it was _home_.

Something about the press of all the minds around her; being surrounded by the ordinary emotions of the other inhabitants of _her_ village, her _Tribe_ … when she was already in a pleasant mood like this, it made her feel even better.

On a good day, it made her feel alive.

Or at least, it did until a familiar empathic presence brushed up against her shields, and recognition shot through her like a jolt of electricity.

The heartache hit her like a punch in the chest.

She _missed_ Dragonfly; she'd been thinking about her during training and missing her terribly only a little while before. But reminiscing on her lost friendship and reaffirming her choices was different from being confronted with the reality of the other woman's presence and having to stay away.

She didn't approach, but she couldn't resist the urge to watch her old friend as she made her way through the market.

The other woman was as lovely as always, and the sight of her was almost enough to push Hari to throw away all her determination to be good. It was all she could do to stop herself from going up to her and just hugging the life out of her.

She wanted to talk to her; to ask how she'd been, how things were going between her and her Clan Elders; to congratulate her on her bonding and ask if she'd fallen in love with her Sentinel yet. To see if she'd moved beyond being reluctantly charmed by him and into being as head over heels for the poor man as he was for her. To congratulate her on her baby and make plans to introduce their children, so they could grow up together and be good friends.

To just be Mouse and Dragonfly again; to know that they were still soul-kin, that they would _always_ be family.

She wanted so many things that she just couldn't have.

Because Mouse was long gone.

She was now just the disgraced, troublemaking, crippled half-Nara Guide who couldn't be a ninja anymore; who refused to marry her Sentinel and openly and unashamedly conceived his baby out of wedlock through artificial means.

The one who lived together with her Sentinel and his gay lover and very loudly, persistently, and relentlessly defended them against anyone who objected; who refused to engage in the kind of relationship with her Sentinel that everyone else felt was healthy and right.

The one who had recently punched her Clan Pride’s current Alpha Guide in the face; and was really only avoiding disownment by virtue of being the mother of the current Clan Head's only grandchild, and by technically belonging to two clans, neither of which wanted to offend the other.

Who was publically regarded as of making a mockery out of the sacred tradition of Sentinel-Guide bonds, and widely considered to be damaged. Rumour described her as being too warped and twisted to ever bond _properly_.

Meanwhile Uchiha Mikoto was the wife of the Uchiha Clan Head; as Clan Matriarch she was considered _the_ Noble Lady of the most prestigious of Konoha's four Noble Clans.

She was universally admired and respected, and worked hard to maintain an excellent public image, knowing that what reflected on her in turn reflected on her Clan. Accomplished and poised, she never appeared any less than perfect or serene in any circumstances – despite maintaining a life-long friendship with Uzumaki Kushina, Konoha's most outspoken public prankster.

She gave her husband and their Clan an heir after a year of marriage; a beautiful baby boy who was by all accounts a strong latent Sentinel and a budding genius.

Dragonfly was now just as gone; if for different reasons.

Seeing Mikoto walking around, smiling, and greeting various other townsfolk with her six month old son strapped to her chest; knowing that she had no part of the older woman's life and it was _her own fault_ … it _hurt_.

Knowing they would never be Mouse and Dragonfly again hurt even more.

Mikoto turned her head and met Hari's eyes from across the square. A sad, wistful smile passed over her face, and she reached out her mental presence to give Hari the empathic equivalent of a hug.

Hari's breath caught in her throat, and her eyes filled with tears as she did her best to return the gesture.

Then she fled. 


End file.
